Drops of Scarlet
by OracleVortex
Summary: A marauder's fic, you'll be following Remus Lupin as he goes through his fifth year. Difficulties with girls, being a werewolf, and his feelings for Sirius. YAOI! CHAPTER TEN IS POSTED!
1. My Babble of a Disclaimer

RAMBLINGS OF AN AUTHORESS

Change of pace, everyone. I'm going to place all formalities at the beginning of the story, just so I don't have to do them later. I will still do author's notes, but that's about it. And dedications, but that's because I'm fond of those. Anyway, check out the stuff that I have written here, despite the fact that there is no story. I wouldn't post this unless it was important to me. 

**Title**: Drops of Scarlet

**Rating**: PG13

**Genre**: General, angst

**Warnings**: Blood, violence, dark issues, and maybe yaoi if I get around to it. 

**Planned Length**: 12 Chapters

**Planned Completion Date**: ::bursts out laughing:: OMG, don't you people know me yet? I can sometimes take three months to finish _one_ chapter, and two weeks to finish two! It's changes, so who the hell knows! ::throws papers in the air:: It's completed when it gets completed! 

**Disclaimer**: This will be my only disclaimer; so don't get huffy when you don't see me writing anymore. 

OV: Hey, Harry…

                Harry: Yeah, OV?

                OV: Do I own you?

                Harry: Own…me?

                OV: Or your friends?

                Harry: Well, no…

                OV: Will I ever?

                Harry: Um…no. 

                OV: Can I get that in writing?

                Harry: Um. Okay. 

                OV: ::flaps a disclaimer contract in front of everyone's face:: So there.

**Main Dedication**: This is for anyone who is struggling in their life, stumbling in the dark, and for all the people out there who feel they transform into some heartless, bloodthirsty monster even when they desperately don't want to. You aren't alone, and this story is for you. Also, this is simply for people who love Remus Lupin as much as I do! ^_________^ Or Sirius Black. (Rest his soul)

**Inspiration**: I was inspired not only by another fic, but also by the third and fifth books, which had so much yummy Remus and Sirius bits, that I thought I would just _die_. I won't lie to you when I day that I support and love the yaoi couple, RemusxSirius, but unfortunately that probably won't be in this story. It's a possibility, but I haven't decided yet. This fic is mainly me writing a tribute to the Marauders and the troubles that Remus had as a teen. Maybe when I get the time, I'll write up a yummy little RemusxSirius ficclet to amuse myself. (Tee-hee!) But not now. Now, I'm concentrating on Remus and his lovely angst factor that I have to work with. Brilliant. 

**Thank-Yous**: There will probably be more of these as time goes on, but I'm only going to list a few right now. I want to thank you, the reviewer/reader, for our support and pretty reviews that I hope will be left for me. They're nice little bursts of sunshine, and I'm glad to receive them. Thanks ahead of time. I also want to thank Coeur de Lion, who is not a writer on ff.net, but wrote a terrific Remus-werewolf scene that made me forget all air of dignity that I might have had possessed and caused me to blabber nonsense in the review I left him.  Lastly I just want to mention a friend of mine, whose msn name a while ago had to do with Remus Lupin, "Homosexual werewolf Godmother," (something to that effect) which made me burst out laughing when I saw it. XD Gods, that cracked me up. You know who you are, and now you know how much you made me laugh with that. *heehee*

Well, that's about it. ^__^ You may now proceed to the actual story stuff of this fic. 


	2. Ursula Rayne

Drops of Scarlet

By OracleVortex

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay, so I completely lied when I said that this probably wouldn't be about Remus x Sirius. So what? I've changed my mind and actually changed some main plots of the stories. It happens. It's still about Remus and his werewolf problems, but I've decided to add in his problems with the rest of his life as well. Also, I would like you to bear with me when I use French in this story. I'm not bilingual, so I'll use it sparingly, but it may be just bits here and there. 

Whole sentences and conversations in French will be marked by a double cross. ++Enter French here.++ Okay? That way I don't have to keep putting, 'he said in French,' or 'he switched to French, saying,' etc…

Dedication is for Holly, who nicely observed that I don't update every fast, and didn't repeatedly yell 'UPDATE.' Thanks. That was very cool of you.

Cheers, all!

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter One: Ursula Rayne

Remus yawned, pouring coffee into a cream-colored cup, and drinking it black. Usually he preferred tea, but under late-nights and early mornings, he really couldn't handle the subtle taste of tea. James and Peter sat across from him, cutting into large pancakes. Remus stilly watched the syrup ooze between the slices, slow and gradual like molasses. The sticky condiment dripped off of James' fork and landed on the plate with a thick plop. 

"Didja 'ear?" James said thickly. 

Remus blinked. "Hmm? About what?"

The messy-haired seeker swallowed. "Davey Gudgeon's eye."

"What about it?"

"Almost lost it."

Remus sighed. "How, Prongs?" He hated it when the Potter boy decided to make him drag every detail from him. It was some sort of game that James liked, but Remus easily grew tired of it. 

"Got too near the whomping willow."

"Is he all right?" Remus asked.

"Yup. Serves him right though, not quick enough."

Remus glowered at the table darkly. James looked at him sideward. "It's not your fault, Moony."

"It is."

"No, it's not. Gudgeon's pretty dim."

"No one should be allowed near that thing."

James cut another thick piece of pancake and stuffed it into his mouth. "'ow we arn'"

Peter blinked at him, following the conversation. "What?"

James talked around his breakfast. "Now we aren't."

Remus stirred the contents of his cup with one finger. "Good."

"Whoa." Peter said, eyes nearly meeting his hairline. "There's Sirius."

"About time," James said, craning his neck to see over the whispering crowd. "The lazy bugger."

Sirius came into the wall, slim body entirety covered with skin-tight black leather. Muscles rippled under long sleeves, and nails on slender fingers were painted black. His waist-length hair had been loosely tied back, a pair of silver hoops shining from the top of his left war. Sirius' eyes swept across the crowed, locking gazes with Remus. The young werewolf then proceeded to choke violently on his coffee. Sirius gave a half smirk, heading to the Gryffindor table. He plunked down between James and Peter, flipping a loose stand of hair out of his sight. He watched, amused as Remus slowly stopped sputtering. 

"Morning, all."

James waved his fork at him. Peter nodded greetings, staring at Sirius like he'd gone and grown horns out the side of his head. 

Remus mumbled into a quickly obtained bagel, avoiding eye contact with his eccentric friend. "Good morning, Sirius."

"Looking…spiffy, Padfoot." James commented.  "Have a date?"

"No." Sirius said, preening as he buttered toast. "Just trying a new look."

"And leaving nothing to the imagination." Remus muttered.

"What was that, Moony?" Sirius said pleasantly.

The passive marauder blinked at him. "Pass the butter, please."

Sirius winked at him, handing over the dish. "You're just jealous that you can't pull it off."

Remus raised an eyebrow. "Pull it off? I can… Do it, though? No, I won't…"

"You sound like a bad Yoda." Lily said, sliding in beside James. James greeted her with a light kiss.

"Who, love?"

She patted him on the cheek. "Never mind, dear." Lily glanced at Sirius. "Joining a rock band?"

"Good Lord, no!" Remus said. "Have you heard him sing?"

Sirius turned to Remus. "Have you?"

"You sing in the shower, Padfoot."

Sirius grinned. "Been spying on me, have you?"

James snorted. "Doesn't have to – you're bloody loud. And terrible."

"I am not!" The tall boy said defensively. 

"What; loud or terrible?" James said wickedly. Lily smothered a giggle. Overhead the flapping of wings heralded the oncoming flight of the post owls.

Sirius examined his nails with fake interest. "I sing like an angel." He said. "You're just jealous."

"Jealous like gnomes are!"

"What? That doesn't even make sense!"

"You know what? _You_ don't make sense!" James laughed as he went on. "If you were a girl, you'd be in a leather cat suit right now!"

"And if I were a girl, Moony would be in big trouble right now." Sirius said ominously. They all laughed and turned to the boy in question.

"Hey." James said. "Where'd he go?"

Sirius didn't say anything, seeing a swirl of russet hair and black robes leaving the hall. He bit into toast, winking at a group of girls who where staring at him from the Ravenclaw table. They blushed, giggled and looked away. He grinned.

Remus sat on the front steps of the school, an envelope in hand. Ignoring the address on the front, he turned it over and opened it. The seal was a picture of a sun and sword, pressed into a rich gold wax. It was his family's seal. There were two notes inside, and Remus pulled out the first. It was written in a careful cursive. 

++Dearest Remus, 

How is school? Is Hogwarts treating you well enough? Are your special…concerns...still being taken into consideration? If there is ever anything that you need, remember that all you need to do is ask. I apologize that we were not able to see you off at the platform on your last day of summer; your father and I have been extremely busy in the past few months. It has been terribly hard to be home as often as we were. However, the Yuletide is approaching and we are both able to stay at our winter house in France during the holidays. Would you be able to find means as to come? Should we send someone to pick you up?

Your brother is bringing a friend of his to the winter house. Perhaps you can bring these… 'marauders' that you always speak of. We, your father and I, miss you very much, and cannot wait to see you. 

Love, Mother++

Remus smiled and folded the letter neatly, setting it aside and opening the second. It was in French as well, though it was slanted and messily written. 

++Remus,

I wonder if it is worth it to stay at Beaubaxtons when all it causes is that we are apart. It is only The beginning of December and yet I feel as though we were apart for years. How's Hogwarts? Your friends and classes? Forgive me if I sound brief in inquiring about your well being, but I have the most exciting news, and I wanted you to be the first to hear of it. I've met this girl, and she is the most fantastic, beautiful, intelligent young woman I've ever known. Her name is Aquila and she is the very image of loveliness. She is truly exquisite, brother! I plan to bring her home on Yuletide, let her meet Mother and Father, then. Do you think they'll approve?

I would ask if you were bringing a special someone with you, but I know that it is difficult when it comes to that – in more than one way. Will this be the year when I will meet this Sirius of yours? And James and Peter as well? 

Eat well, Rem, and be strong. My heart is with you always. 

Love, Romulus++

Remus tucked the second letter inside the envelope and folded the lip crease with one fingertip. Tilting his head to glance briefly at the sky, he sat for a moment on the steps, completely content.

"Excuse me, Remus?"

Remus turned slowly, locking gazes with a tall brunette girl standing behind him. She let the doors fall softly shut, and she shyly approached him. "Yes; can I help you?"

She bit her lip, scuffing her shoes on the stairs before hesitantly sitting down beside him. "Um…I don't know if you remember me, but my name is-"

"Ursula." Remus said promptly, sliding the letters inside his robe. "I remember – I helped you with your creatures essay last spring."

Ursula blushed faintly, but continued on. "Wow, I can't believe that you remembered that."

"I remember everything." Remus said. He stopped and then frowned. "Well, almost everything." He waved a hand at Ursula, who was unsure of what he was talking about. "Never mind. What were you saying?" He watched her, a soft smile on his face. 

Ursula curled a dark lock of hair behind one ear. "This may be a bit sudden, but do you have a date for the Yule Ball?"

Remus's smile was suddenly frozen and it dropped. "I'm sorry, but-"

"Of course, I understand." Ursula said in a rushed way, abruptly standing up. "I'm sorry to have bothered you-"

Remus stood as well. "No, it's not that…it's just…" He hesitated. "I'm not going. I can't."

"Oh." The girl stopped. "Why?"

He shrugged vaguely. "I have this…previous engagement…to attend."

"Hmm." Ursula stared suspiciously at him. "I see."

"Really, I do." 

She smiled and rested a hand on his shoulder momentarily. "Of course you do, Remus. Why would you lie to me?" She opened the door to the school again. "Maybe next time." She vanished into the castle. Remus blinked and stared at the wood door for a moment. 

"Of course…"

~

"Aww, look, Moony – You went and broke the poor girl's heart. Why not take the girl? She's pretty enough."

"No."

"Why not?"

Remus shifted through his charms papers, wishing he hadn't answered Sirius' Twenty Questions shpeal when he joined up with the marauders on the sunny Sunday afternoon. "Padfoot, what night is the ball on?"

"Hmm?" The other boy had been checking his appearance in the mirror hanging in the commons room. "What was that?"

"What night, you great dunderhead, what night?"

"What night?" Sirius looked puzzled for a moment, but then you could see the instant when realization dawned on him. "Of course – the full moon." He laughed. "I guess it's a little hard to dance while all fur and fang, isn't it?"

"Sirius, some days I wonder if you really realize how serious this is for me." Remus sighed.

"Oh, lay off it, Moony. You know I'm only joking around."

"But that's just it, isn't it? You act like this is all some big joke and that I like this and that I'm anything but what it is - a dark creature!"

Sirius stared at Moony through the reflection of the mirror, slowly turning and looking at him. Remus appeared to be calm on the outside, but the shivering of his quill betrayed him. "You're two separate beings, Remus. He just happened to be housing your body on the full moon."

"And the rest of the month, Padfoot." Remus muttered. "It's like it's inside me, whispering dark things to me."

Sirius sat down beside Remus on the couch, draping one arm over the back of the couch, facing the young Gryffindor. "Is there something you want to tell me?"

"No."

"Get off your chest?"

"No."

Sirius examined him for a moment, but stood. "You do know that you can tell me anything, right?"

"Yes."

"And you would, right?"

"Yes."

Sirius looked at him again, then went back to the mirror. "Now, tell me…"

Remus rolled his head back on the back of the couch. "What, Padfoot?"

"Do these pants make my butt look big?"

"Yes." Remus said blandly. "God, I could see it from halfway across the hall. Does it have it's own area code, yet?"

"You lie!"

"I do not." 

"Do too!"

"No…how many cows gave their lives for those pants, anyway?"

"Moony!"

The sometimes-fuzzy boy laughed.

~

Later that evening, when Remus had drifted somewhat away from his cloudy mood, James took his turn in approaching him about Ursula. "Aren't you going to ask Ursula?"

Remus sighed. "No."

"No?" He raised an eyebrow. "She's pretty, intelligent and totally okay with the werewolf thing…"

Remus made a face. "Say that louder, would you? I don't think the ghost on the third floor heard you."

James ignored him. "She obviously likes you."

"I know that."

"Then what's the problem?"

"I can't take the risk."

"Why not? If she likes you and you like her, then—"

"No, James. I can't take the risk that I'll allow myself to fall in love with her, only to have her decide against it and leave me to die alone."

"Whoa. That's kind of extreme, don't you think? I mean, it's only one dance."

"But still, werewolves mate for life. All eternity. Ever and ever till the silver bullet bites."

The seeker looked at him curiously. "Do silver bullets really…?"

"Well," Remus said, "a normal bullet will do it, but silver tends to make it burn a lit more, considering that silver has been known as a moon metal for centuries. It's actually commonly known as Moon tears in such civilizations as the Aztecs and the—"

"Moony," James interrupted, "You're getting off topic and avoiding my original question."

Remus gave him an impish smile. "I was kind of hoping that you wouldn't notice. Why are you so concerned, anyway? What are you up to?"

"Nothing." The other boy said innocently. "Who says I have to be up to something to nose about in my friend's love life?"

"See, that's the thing, Prongs, I don't _have_ a love life."

"Which makes me wonder why you're throwing a perfectly good girl away." James shot back.

"She's not a firework, Prongs." Remus got up from the table to put a book back on one of the shelves near the fireplace. "I won't date a girl just for kicks. Nor can I."

"You're just going to have to chance it some day, Moony."

"And when I find the right person, I will."

James noted his lack of a gender usage. "Maybe you already have and won't admit it." He suggested gently.

Remus stared at him for a moment. "And maybe…" He said slowly, unblinkingly. "Maybe, I just gave birth to puppies."

It was at that moment that Peter and Sirius decided to come into the room. "Now, now, Moony." Sirius said. "That was supposed to be our little secret." He sprawled in the armchair that Remus had vacated only moments before. 

Peter settled before the table. "Puppies? Can I have one?"

James grinned at Remus and the boy sighed. 

"Oh-" Remus said, suddenly, his eyes lighting up. "Are any of you free for Christmas?"

James shrugged. "Nothing to do, really."

The young werewolf smiled. "Well, my parents wrote to me this morning, and they want me to come home for a couple days. Do you want to come with me?"

"And finally meet your parents and brother?" James said. "Sure, sounds great."

Sirius pretended to be torn between two ideas. "And I was _so_ looking forward to going back to my parents place for a while. Oh well."

Peter was shamefaced. "Sorry, Moony, but I'm going home for Christmas."

James and Sirius clapped Peter on the shoulder at the same time. "We'll take poleroids, Wormtail. Don't worry."

Remus nodded. "It's all right, maybe another time."

Peter grinned up at the three of them. "Okay."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Just a random fact, but **Remus** is a latin name, meaning 'speedy oarsman' or 'fast rower.' Uh huh. _So_ not our Remus. 

Remus: Oh, I don't know.. ::examines a boat:: I reckon I could paddle that thing really fast.

Sirius: ::stares at the boat:: Why would you want to?

Remus: ::shrugs::

Of course, **Remus** is also the twin brother of **Romulus** in Roman Mythology. (Hence the reason for Remus' twin brother in this story… :P) He was suckled with his twin brother by a **wolf **after their parents (Rhea Silvia and Mars) abandoned them. Unfortunately, Romulus killed Remus in an argument over the building of Rome… 

Remus: Whoa. 

Sirius: Your name sucks. ::pulls out his wand:: I dub thee Moony—

Remus: Now wait a minute…

Sirius: ::touches him on each shoulder with the wand:: --'Man of the moon', and 'furrier than thou.'

Remus: ::laughing:: Shove it, Padfoot!

Sirius: ::grins:: Just say where!

See ya next chapter!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


	3. Christmas Moon

Chapter Two: Christmas Moon

The 'muggle writer' that is mentioned in today's chapter is Mark Twain. ... Just thought to say that, because it isn't mentioned. And, as usual, pardon my usage of French. Mere, though it doesn't say it anywhere, means mom. French will be done in bold.

Ta-ta! (I think I say 'pillow' about twelve times in this chapter. Weird.)

* * *

The hall was decorated in the very essence of the season, with great big trees and floating candles. Tinsel and holly hung everywhere and the ceiling showed that it was snowing lightly outside. James was gone with Lily that snowy afternoon; he had been spending all the time he could with her, in apology that he wouldn't be going to the Yule Ball. The marauders were to leave for Remus' house that day, right before the ball in the evening. If it had been any other night, Remus would have waited till after the ball, but with the full moon and everything... Remus wanted to spend it at his home, and not in a shack in a village. Peter was over at the Hufflepuff table, quite alarmed to be trapped by a cute girl bearing the sign of the badger. She was obviously trying to talk him into going with her to the ball, and Peter, with little experience and little grace in such departments, was stuttering and panicking. Sirius and Remus watched from the Gryffindor table, half way across the hall.

"Maybe we should help him." Remus said, half heartedly flipping through a novel.

"Nah." Sirius looked at the cover of the book. "He's doing fine." He was dressed, again, all in black. It seemed to be his clothing trend of the year; the black nail polish, though questionability out of the dress code, worked well for him. Many of the new first years were sighing over him, if not for his looks, then for his taste in fashion. Sirius, strangely, didn't seem to notice. He and Remus watched as Peter knocked over a cup, and it sloshed on the floor. "What are you reading?"

"A book." Remus said, with a smile. "You heard of them?" Unlike his tall, almost gothic, friend, he wore soft, warm sweaters and comfortable slacks. Comfort was his clothing trend, though not as dramatic as Sirius' choice of wardrobe, made him just as attractive if anyone cared to look.

"Just because I don't pretend like books are an extension of my arm doesn't mean I don't know what they are." Sirius stuck his tongue out at him, lightly running his fingers across the cover of the book and over Remus' hand. "You read too much."

Remus raised an eyebrow. "What would you rather I be doing?"

A grin like the Cheshire cat bloomed on Sirius' face. "Oh, I don't know..."

"Sirius!" A piercing voice echoed in the hall, causing Sirius to drop his head on the table.

"Hullo Narcissa." Sirius sat up and turned with a sigh, facing three girls who all looked remarkably the same.

The fiery lass stood with her hands on her hips. "I heard that you are going to be leaving Hogwarts for Yuletide!"

"Yes, cousin of mine." Sirius said in an overly exaggerated tone. "I am leaving Hogwarts for Yuletide."

Another of the girls crossed her arms. "Why? Are we supposed to go to the Black manor or something? Why weren't we told?"

"Because, my dear Bellatrix," Sirius said, and Remus looked at him with sympathy. "I'm going to Remus' house in _France_ and my dear, darling mother does not know. So have fun at Hogwarts."

Narcissa looked angry. "Ooh..."

Bellatrix glared curiously at Remus. "You're French?"

Remus opened his mouth to reply, but was sharply kicked in the knee by Sirius. The third of the sisters smiled and sat down with the two marauders, much to the other two's dismay. "Your mum's not going to be pleased, Sirius." She said.

"I know." Sirius said with a wink. She shook her head.

"I'm serious. She hasn't been happy with you lately."

"Good."

"She might even disown you."

"The horror, Andromeda, the horror!"

The girl grinned impishly at him, ruffling his hair and standing. "Don't say I didn't warn you."

"I won't." Sirius said. Andromeda waved at him and pulled her two sisters along.

"Have fun in France, Sirius." She looked at Remus. Keep an eye on him, will you?

Remus' eyes widened slightly. Of course.

And the three sisters were gone, and Sirius and Remus were left at the table, alone. "I didn't know Andromeda spoke French."

"That's funny..." Sirius said, smoothing his hair down. "Neither did I."

Remus nodded, absently rubbing his knee. "Why'd you kick me?"

"Hmm?" Sirius said. "Oh – it's just that Bellatrix has this thing and...yeah..."

"And yeah, what?" Remus asked.

Sirius looked slightly uncomfortable for a moment. "It's...just that I don't want her hitting on you."

"It is because I'm half French?" Remus raised an eyebrow for a second time that afternoon. "That's a bit paranoid, don't you think?"

"No..." The boy, who was a dark featured as his cousins, said. "It's because you're French, sensitive, devilishly handsome and intelligent." Sirius fidgeted a little. "I'd assume, from her point of view... and...she always zeros in on my friends."

Remus smiled gently at Sirius, passing a hand over his momentarily. "I can take care of myself. Thank you, though."

Sirius nodded silently. "I'm watching her anyway."

* * *

A few days later, up in the Gryffindor dorm room, Sirius watched as James neatly packed a pair of jeans into an over night bag. Sirius had done his packing the night before, shirts and pants and a questionable amount of black make-up thrown carelessly into a backpack. The blue-eyed boy lazily followed the tall seeker's movements. James glanced sideward at him.

"What?" He said, taking his precious broom out from under the bed.

Sirius played with the hem of his mesh shirt. It was thin and glossy, and it shimmered in the light. "Do you think Moony's been...weird lately?"

"Yeah." Hazel eyes carefully assessed the condition of the Skylark 380, looking for imperfections or misplaced twigs. "But you've been weird lately, too."

Sirius looked at him. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Have you looked at yourself in the mirror recently?" Sirius opened his mouth and James raised a hand to cut him off. "No, wait – don't answer that."

"Nothing wrong with a little wardrobe change." Sirius muttered. James nodded.

"No, but..." James hesitated. "It's not that it doesn't look good on you, it does and all, but it's a little..." He paused thoughtfully. "Gothic. Drastic, even."

"So?"

"So, my point is that I think you're trying to prove something to someone, and I don't know what it is or why."

Sirius sighed, lying across James' bed, feet propped on the pillows. "I'm not trying to prove anything. I just wanted to try something different, and I happen to like it." He snorted, staring at the ceiling. "You sound like my mother. "

"Bollocks. You haven't talked to your mum since the beginning of the year. I doubt that she knows your dressing habits."

"Why are you analyzing me?"

"You're my best friend." James replied. "And it's easier to analyze you than it is to analyze Moony."

"So." Sirius said quietly. "You have noticed something."

James nodded. "There's something wrong. Something...up."

"Something that he's not telling us." Sirius said.

"Yes." James said, placing his broom into it's case carefully, and shutting it firmly.

"I thought so." Sirius said softly, closing his eyes. "I thought so."

The bed dipped slightly as James sat down. "I'm sure he's got his reasons."

"I'm sure he does." There was a silence as James stared down at his friend. It dragged as James stared harder. "Stop that."

"Do you mind if I asked a question?" James inquired.

"Has it ever stopped you?" Sirius asked wirily.

"Good point." James hesitated. "Are you...well..."

"Spit it out, Prongs."

"Are you bi?" James said bluntly. "You've been with a lot of girls, but lately you don't even bat an eye at them; there's someone else on your mind."

Sirius' eyes opened to stare into hazel orbs. There was no ridicule or disgust or even embarrassment in the look he examined. Still, Sirius felt that he had to look away. "I don't know."

"How can you not know?"

"I just can't."

"... Why not?"

"I..." Sirius sighed, sitting up. "I mean, I think that..." He trailed off, pretending to have some sort of interest in his hands. One of the nails had been hastily painted, and it was starting to peel away. Sirius picked at it, making a neat line across the middle.

"It's Remus, isn't it?" James asked gently.

"Can you tell?" Sirius said.

"Well..." James said slowly. "You're joking around with him a lot, lately."

"I do that with everyone."

"It's different when it's with Moony." James adjusted his glasses, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Do you think he knows?"

"Moony?" James said, gathering his stuff to dump on top of Sirius'. "I don't know."

"Maybe that's why he's been weird lately."

"He's not shallow, Padfoot. I doubt that's the reason." There was a pause. "When are you going to find out how he feels about it?"

Sirius made an indistinct noise. "When it seems right."

There was the slamming of a door, then the rapid sound of someone running up the stairs. The door flew open and revealed Remus, hair askew and a smile on his face. He was breathless and he grinned at Sirius and James. "Ready to go?"

James glanced at Sirius. "Is now right?"

Sirius made a rude gesture at him. Remus watched, confused. "Is now right for what?"

James grinned at Sirius, waiting to see how he handled the situation. Sirius glared at him, but smiled at Remus. "To do...THIS!" He threw a pillow at Remus, rolling off the bed to hide from him on the other side. Remus blinked at the offending pillow in his hands; had be been any slower, it would have hit him up the side of his head. James shook his head, mirthfully, but was then knocked over as Remus chucked the pillow at him and dived behind Peter's wardrobe. There was a flurry of pillows and blankets for a moment, and the door opened.

"Guys?" Peter said. He was immediately bombarded by bed stuffs, disappearing under balled up sheets. Sirius made a run for the door, but was tackled by James. They fell into Remus and the three of them tumbled out the door, stumbling against the wall and rolling down the stairs. They landed in a great heap at the bottom, all tangled up, one of Remus' pillows bursting on impact. Feathers exploded into the air, and they stayed, sprawled there for a still moment.

Someone poked James in the side, and the boy burst out laughing, glasses pushed up into his hair. His elbow went into Sirius' back, which caused him to yelp and lean into Remus. The boy gasped, and Sirius vividly saw his pupils dilate quickly.

"GET OFF!" He cried, wriggling about. James and Sirius both thumped on the ground, rubbing various parts as Remus scrambled up the stairs, past a disheveled Peter and into the dorm room. The door slammed and there was silence.

"What happened?" Peter asked uncertainly.

The three of them went back up to the dorm, shrugging off looks from other Gryffindors that were watching the entire scene. They went in carefully.

"Moony?" James called. Remus was standing in front of the half mirror, demolished beds strewn around him. James shoved Sirius forward, watching with amusement as the lad tripped over someone's pajamas. Sirius approached Remus carefully.

"Moony?" He said warily. "Are you okay; you weren't hurt, were you?"

Silence.

Sirius looked back at James and Peter. Peter shrugged, and James waved him on. Sirius tried again. "Is there –"

"Your earrings are silver, aren't they?" Remus said evenly.

"Yes, why-"Sirius stopped, eyes widening. "Oh. I'm so sorry, Moony... How bad—"

"Not really." Remus said, reaching for Sirius' hand. Taking it loosely by the wrist, he guided Sirius' hand to a place on his neck. Sirius ran fingers down the spot, shivering as he felt a set of warm lines on Remus' neck. The russet haired boy turned and Sirius could see two half circles, the larger outlining the smaller. They were red, a terrible imprint on his skin.

"Remus..." Sirius said softly. "I'm sorry..."

Remus dropped Sirius's hand and shrugged. "It'll fade." He waved his wand at the room, and sheets began to fold themselves onto their appropriate mattresses. Remus bent down to pick up a book and he set it on the shelf beside him.

"Moony..." James said, having heard the whole thing.

Remus looked up at him and grinned. A floating pillow thwacked James in the side of his head, and Remus dashed out the door crying, "Meet you out front!" Then all the sheets and bed makings started to fly about.

James grumbled at Sirius, hanging upside down from the top of the bedposts because a sheet had wrapped around his ankle. "This is his idea of revenge, you know..."

Sirius was trapped in a mountain of shivering pillows that were trying to stuff him between the mattresses of his own bed. James watched as his glasses dropped off his head, landing on Peter, who was trying to get away from two pillows that were trying to eat his legs.

"He hates me." Sirius sighed, throwing a pillow out the window.

* * *

**'Remus! You did come!'** A young man ran up, hair sticking in all directions because of the wind. '**I was worried that you wouldn't find transportation or that you hadn't been given enough notice, or—'**

**'You're babbling, Romulus!' **Remus laughed, embracing his brother warmly. '**I've brought a few friends; do you think mum and dad will approve of them?'**

Romulus looked at the other two boys. James waved, hair as messy as it usually was, burgundy robes flying behind him. Sirius stood beside him, high collar of his black jacket showing under his dark robe. Shamefully tight jeans hid the tops of high boots. Although Romulus couldn't see it, Sirius' eyes were lined with black. '**I don't think so**.' Romulus said jokingly, patting Remus on the shoulder. '**Don't worry. Aquila is here and they welcomed her just fine**.'

**'She's French, though.'**

**'So? Father's English.'**

**'So?'**

"Um..." Sirius looked at James and then back at the siblings. "Non-bilinguals, here..."

Romulus looked embarrassed. "I'm sorry." He said in an accented lilt. "I forget sometimes." He slung an arm around Remus and both faced the marauders.

Sirius and James stared at he two brothers. "They're twins?" James murmured. Remus looked momentarily confused. He and Romulus were indeed alike, though very different at the same time. Remus' hair was a rich russet brown, while his brother's was a deep chocolate. Both were the same height with almost the same build, but where Remus' eyes were amber, Romulus' were a honey-hazel. They blinked in unison, and gave the other three quizzical looks.

"You didn't tell them we were twins?"

"No." Remus glanced back. "Didn't think about it, really..."

Romulus raised an eyebrow. "Not once in six years?"

"Not really...we're just us."

"Hmm. I guess."

**'Oh, shut up'**

**'You shut up!'**

"You know..." James said, thoughtfully. "They sort of sound like us."

"Yeah." Sirius said. "Except we don't need subtitles."

"Oh, well there's that."

"Come," Romulus said to Remus, hefting his brother's suitcase like it was a pillow. "I want you to meet someone." James and Sirius grabbed their bags and followed suit through the front courtyard, walking down the stone path that lead to the house. It was a large place, just short of a mansion; comfortable without being too extravagant. Everyone's luggage was swept away by house elves in the front hall, and they were taken into a cozy living room, where a girl sat by the fire.

**'How lovely!'** The petite blonde girl said, clapping her hands at the sight of the marauders. '**How are you?'**

Romulus placed his arm around her shoulders. "Remus, this is Aquila. She, unfortunately, is only learning to converse in English."

Remus smiled at his brother's girlfriend. '**It is a pleasure Mme Aquila.'**

Aquila looked to Remus and then to Romulus. '**Your twin?'** She asked. Aquila glanced back at Remus, smiling brightly. "_Frere_. Brother."

"_Oui_." Remus said. "Yes, I am." He gestured to his two friends. "James—"

"Jacque." Aquila said.

"—and Sirius."

Aquila looked at Sirius sideward, before saying his name. "Sirius."

James elbowed Sirius in the ribs. "Too bad, Padfoot, no nickname for you..."

Sirius batted at him. "I don't want one, _Jacque_."

"Liar."

"Fiend!"

The two boys were suddenly mock fighting; throwing playful punches and jabs to the stomach.

"Ah...the sound of roughhousing." An elegant voice floated into the parlor. "How it's been a while since I have heard such a thing." Sirius and James stopped, somehow managing to get the other in a headlock at the same time. They released each other as a tall woman came into the room. "Remus. You have finally come home."

"_Mere_." Remus said, going to hug the woman. She was slender and light, with fair blond hair and sparkling hazel eyes. She nodded to each of the boys as Remus introduced them to her. She shook hands with each of them.

"Remus has told me much about you two..." Remus' mother said. "I am happy that he has been able to find comfort in your presence, despite his unique condition." She smiled broadly, her English heavily accented with a French tilt. "You may call me Rhea..." She turned to Remus. "Your papa is on the balcony...he waits for you."

Remus waved at the group, bounding through the open doors to the balcony. Rhea indicated that they should all sit down. "Martin will join us later, after he and Remus have had the chance to speak with one another. Come, let us eat."

Sirius and James grinned at the same time. "Can't say no to that!" They clamored together.

Remus approached the man on the balcony. "Father?"

He turned. Martin Lupin was a tall fellow, with rich brown hair streaked with white. A broad grin greeted Remus as he swept the lad into his arms. "So my youngest boy has come home again!" They laughed, and Martin held Remus by the shoulders. "Let me take a look at you." He examined his son quickly, eyes straying on his neck. "What is that?"

Remus's hand flew up to cover it. "Nothing." He said quickly. "I forgot that my friend wore silver earrings."

Martin's brow furrowed. "Does it still hurt?" He asked. "How long ago did this happen?"

Remus's gaze was cast downwards. "It happened before we left Hogwarts... It doesn't hurt anymore. It's nothing, really, Father."

"Are you sure?"

Remus grinned up at him. "Do I have a tail once a month?"

"Remus, do not joke about such things." His father said sternly. "You know that you must be very cautious. It is a serious thing for you."

Remus bit his lip, reddening slightly. "Yes, father."

"Good." The man said, moving into the house. "Come, let me meet your friends. Have you met Aquila?"

"Yes, she's lovely." Remus followed his father into the house.

* * *

Romulus pulled Sirius aside sometime that night while Remus was occupied with his parents. "I need to speak with you." He led the other boy out onto the balcony and closed the glass doors behind him. "I wanted to ask you something."

"Go for it." Sirius said.

Romulus shot him a side-glance before looking up at the sky. "What are your intentions with my brother?"

Sirius stared at him. "What?"

Romulus laughed shortly. "I apologize if that sounded too old fashioned and protective. What I meant is, what does he mean to you?"

Sirius scowled at the railing. "I don't see how that is any of your business."

Romulus shrugged. "A muggle writer once said that, 'everyone is a moon and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.'" Romulus's voice deepened a shade as he narrowed his gaze at Sirius. "My brother has no dark side, for the wolf was taken that impulse from him. If I hear any wind of you hurting him, I will be forced to show you that I am not as such."

"You think that I would hurt Remus?" Sirius demanded, wiry frame shaking with rage. "That I would hurt him in _any_ way?! He is my friend! One of my best!"

"It is not as a friend that I am worried you will hurt him." Romulus said bluntly. If it weren't for the fact that he looked too much like Remus, Sirius would have probably hit him then.

"I will never hurt him."

The French boy raised an eyebrow. "And the earrings?"

Sirius looked at him, aghast. "It was an accident!"

"And yet you still wear them."

Sirius' hand drifted to his ear. After battling pillows that morning, he had changed the loops in his ear. "No. These are white gold."

"Mmhmm." Romulus nodded, opening the doors back into the house. "I certainly hope so." He smiled at his twin, who was coming out as he was going in.

Remus looked puzzled. "What were you two talking about?"

"You."

"Oh." Remus blushed and muttered, "I have to get going, Sirius..." He glanced at the sky. "Moon rise is soon."

The other boy nodded, shifting so that he was standing right next to Remus. "I'll get James and we can go."

Remus looked hesitant for a moment. "Look – I don't want you around when I transform, okay?"

"What? Why not? I see you turn back to human and you don't care."

"Sirius, I appreciate that you are there when I turn back human, and that makes it all that much better, but when I have to surrender to the wolf... It's worse, all right? I'm not reverting back to a form that is rightfully and wholly mine, I'm being forced to morph into some creature that makes me lose my morality and sense of self. I have to leave my body to an animal that gets to run around in it without me knowing what it does."

"Moony..."

"It's bad enough that I have to go through that, Padfoot, I don't want you to watch me while I do it."

* * *

Romulus stared out the window, eyes fixated to the two boys who where sneaking out of the house to cross the grounds to a cabin near the lake. Perhaps it was the moonlight, but their images seemed to flicker and change, shifting into something more animalistic. A stag and a dog then bounded across the grass, vanishing into the slowly falling snow. Romulus yawned and drew he curtain closed, waving a hand at the lantern beside his bed. Going out of his room, he crossed the hall, opened the door and climbed into that bed. A light sleeper, Romulus would be out and gone before Remus got back in the morning. Right now...he just needed to be around something that was totally his brother, because it was incredibly lonely that he couldn't help Remus like Sirius and James could.

* * *

Remus groaned as he reverted back to human form, fur slid off his skin, curled claws straightened into slender fingers. The scratched wood of the floor was strangely cool against his back and Remus shuddered as he subconsciously curled into a ball. He was aware that James was forcing his limp arms into a robe, silver clasps being done up afterwards. James said something, and then left him. Remus shivered, tasting a coppery flow in his mouth that wasn't his. The half formed thought made his stomach heave and he coughed wetly. Strong arms lifted him from the ground, carrying him over to the four-poster bed in the room. There were no blankets or sheets, and he was set on the bed in only a thin robe.

"Rest, Moony," A voice whispered in his ear. "I'll make sure you get back all right."

Remus grunted a reply before drifting off to sleep. The last thing he saw before his eyes fell shut was Sirius' face, warm arms winding around him, a tender expression in his sapphire eyes.

* * *

_Under fading starlight and absence of moonlight that meant the moon had set, Remus sat comfortably on the bench on the hill behind the winter house. He was wrapped in a blanket and cuddled up to someone just as equally warm. A hand stroked his hair, drifting over his shoulders, pausing only a moment at a recent mark on Remus' neck. Remus snuggled closer to the source of heat, and the hand dropped to rest in the small of his back.. Remus played with a long lock of hair, breathing in a scent that almost reminded him of wild mint and rain. Resting his head on the other person's chest, he listened to their heartbeat, smiling as he heard them beat in time with one another. The weather was nippy and the snow had stopped falling, but Remus didn't care._

"_Moony." The person whispered. "Go back to sleep...the morning will come soon enough."_

"_Okay." Remus replied hazily. He frowned. Moony?_

"Moony." Remus rolled over in his sleep, throwing his arm across the bed. That was the same voice again. "Wake uuuup, Moooooony. "

"No you _vache_ – cow." Another voice said. "This way – _reveiller, _Remus. _Joyeux Noel!_"

"What did you just say?" Was a third voice.

"Wake up. Merry Christmas!" The second voice said again.

Remus groaned and opened one eye. "Is there a party in my bed and I wasn't invited?" His room, though it used to be the one across the hall with Romulus, had been changed to the current one because of his growing amount of books and papers. There were several bookshelves, a large oak desk, and a wardrobe and mirror off to one side. The décor was in blue and brown, with soft warm blankets on the bed, and a nice fur mat on the floor. A fireplace burned merrily.

James grinned at him, a ridiculous Pere Noel hat on his head. It blinked and shimmered and threw off red and green glitter. He stuffed a candy cane in Remus' mouth. "Someone's feeling better."

Romulus appeared next, throwing a robe at him. "Come on, mama and papa are waiting for you, sleepy head."

Sirius popped up last, perched on the edge of the bed. "Happy Christmas, Moony."

"Happy Christmas, Padfoot." Remus yawned, throwing off the blankets and putting on his robe. On his way by Romulus, he passed off the candy cane and bounded out the door.

Ten minutes later, all four boys, the Lupin parents and Aquila were gathered in the parlor, unwrapping presents under a large tree. Romulus and Aquila were in one corner, no doubt making sure that the tradition behind the floating mistletoe wasn't abandoned. Sirius was examining a mirror that James had given him, one that was identical to the one that James kept in his pocket, and Remus was taking out a little box that Sirius had handed him.

Remus opened it, pushing the flimsy cotton aside and pulling out a long gold chain. On the end was an amulet, shaped like the sun. When Remus touched it carefully, gasping with delight as it came alive in his hand, the flames dancing around the center and licking around Remus' fingers. "_Mon_ _Dieu_!"

Sirius leaned over his shoulder. "I take it that means you like it?"

"Yes...it means 'dear me.'" Remus tilted his head back to look up at Sirius. He stared into deep blue eyes, knowing that he should have blinked or something a long time ago. They were so close... Sirius bent in and pressed his lips lightly to Remus' before backing off.

"Mon dieu, then." Sirius said, moving away. Remus stared up at the ceiling, slowly registering the mistletoe above him. It floated away and Remus sat up properly. Romulus was putting his wand away, waving at him cheerfully. Remus shook his head, slipping the amulet over his head. A piece of paper fluttered out of the box. Remus picked it up. 'I like the moon, but I know it pains you, especially when it's at it's fullest, when it's most beautiful. So here's the sun, which you love so much. It will always burn for you, and you will never be truly be alone with the moon. Sirius.'

Remus smiled to himself and put the scrap of paper in his pocket.

"PRONGS!!"

"Yes?" James said innocently.

Sirius waved something in his face. "What's this?"

"Your...gag gift..." James said.

"Fishnet gloves?!"

James snagged the tag, turning it over carefully. "It clearly says, 'for the dashing, for the daring, for those loving black.'" James stuck his tongue out at Sirius. "There you go, Mr. Black. Be true to your name; you certainly have been without my help! Have fun!"

"WANKER!"

* * *

"Remus..."

Remus turned around slowly, still a little delicate from his ordeal a few nights previous. '**Rom. I thought that you had left already.' **Two days had passed, and the boys were all heading home.

Remus' twin shrugged, crossing the entrance hall to meet him. '**I wanted to see you leave. Aquila's gone on ahead.'**

Remus smiled. '**She's a delightful girl.'**

Romulus laughed, embracing his brother tightly. '**You have no idea how much it relieves me to hear you say that.'** He said.** 'I was worried that you wouldn't like her, or something.'**

Why wouldn't I like her? Remus asked, puzzled.

**'I don't know...'** He waved a hand. '**It was a silly fear I had. It's nothing.'** The two of them stood there for a moment, not needing to fill the silence with anything but their presence. '**I can't believe that we must part already.'**

**'I know...I wish you'd come to Hogwarts...'**

**'And I wish that you'd come to Beaubaxtons.'** Romulus smiled impishly. '**But we are in love with two entirely different places...'**

**'True.'** Remus said sadly.** 'I'll write often, okay?'**

**'Not if I write first.'** Remus gave him another quick hug and picked up his bag. Romulus made a face, and then sighed. "Remus..."

"Yes?"

"I know you love him, but if things get bad...you'll have to let him go."

Remus paused, nodded and started again. "I know."

* * *

Remus: Hey, you want to know about your name, Sirius?  
Sirius: I already know.  
Remus: You do?  
Sirius: **Sirius **is the brightest star in the sky, part of the constellation, **Canis Major**, the **dog** constellation.  
Remus: Huh. You do know.  
Sirius: ::grins:: Why else do people call us, 'the one named after the star and the child of the moon'?  
Remus: People call us that?  
Sirius: Yup.  
Remus: Weird.  
Sirius: ::shrugs::  
  
This chapter was edited because of a spelling mistake with one of the British terms. (Thanks for pointing that out!) And it looks different because of the formatting change since original posting. Also, my double cross signifying French usage is no longer supported, so bold means French, bold and italic mean flashbacks. Cheers!


	4. I Don't Mind

Chapter Three: I Don't Mind

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today's chapter is brought to you by, "The Howling," another werewolf movie I just happened to watch. It's amazing, a terrific horror movie that scared me a couple times. This werewolf is a two-legger, and can only be killed by silver bullet. However, it doesn't just turn on the full moon; it's a shapeshifter, and can shift into werewolf form at will. Quite cool. A reporter is lead to a colony with her husband for some R&R, and finds out that the entire population of about ten are werewolves. It's really cool. Much better than last chapter's recc. 

ANYway… read on! 

Sorry about delay, really I am!

'Mon Dieu' also means 'my god' depending on the situation. Like the one in this chapter, for example. You'll see what I mean. Cheers!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

                Remus shifted through his mail at breakfast, taking note of the Daily Prophet and of an envelope from his family. Setting those aside he picked up an unmarked packet bearing his name. Tearing it open and tossing it to the table, he waited to see if there was a hidden spell or anything. When nothing happened, he picked it up again and pulled out a thin sheet of parchment. The lettering was done in red, with a small cosmos border along the top and left side. 

                Remus, 

I think that if I approached you in person, I would only start to stutter and forget everything that I had to say. No…I know that that's what I would do. I've tried many times over the years that I've known you and liked you and each time has ended with me stumbling over my tongue trying to merely to say hi. So…hi. I've known you since first year, noticed you since first year, and I think that I like you more and more with each passing day. It's been a long time, and now we're fifth years and I have to say something before I combust from the silence. 

I think…I think that I'm in love with you. There. I've said it. I love you. I love how you treat everyone with respect and with kindness, and I love that there seems to be nothing bad or evil about you. I love the way that you are able to look around you and see what/who people and things are, and not be afraid of it. You're the most intelligent, most thoughtful, caring person I've ever met and in addition, you are downright gorgeous! Maybe I'm too forward in saying such things, but I think that you need to know, that you have the right to know. 

I love you, Remus Lupin, even on those twelve nights of the year when no one else can. 

                It was unsigned and Remus stared at it for what seemed like ages. While the letter in it was shocking enough, the last line was startling and horrifying. 

                Even on those twelve nights of the year…

                Someone knew his secret.

                "Moony?"

Remus jumped away from the voice, knocking into the fruit bowl and sliding down the table bench at least three feet. James and Sirius stared at him and Remus stared back. It was times like such that reminded Remus' two best friends that he had heightened reactions and senses. 

"Are you all right, Moony?" Sirius asked. "You look as if you've seen Lucius in his underwear."

Remus stared at them still, elbow sitting in the butter dish, and hand gripping the letter tightly. He ran a hand through his hair, and shoved the paper at the two boys. They took it from him with confusion, and Remus righted what he had disturbed on the table, ignoring his buttery sleeve. 

Sirius's face paled from the first few sentences, and James' eyes narrowed as he read on. The instant that both boys reached the last line was visibly seen as they blinked and looked at Remus.

"Who's this from?" James asked. 

"I don't know." Remus said, fastidiously folding a napkin. "I don't know."

Sirius sank down beside Remus. "Shit."

Remus unfolded the napkin and jerkily redid it. "Shit is right. What am I going to do?"

James sat down with them, calmer about it. "What can you do about it? There was no name on it."

Remus shook his head. "I could do some tracing spells…maybe a event recall on the letter, but that's a bit advanced even for me."

Sirius slung an arm around his shoulders. "We'll help you in any way that we can, all right?"

"Yeah." James gave him back the letter. "Even if I have to cut into my Quidditch time." He said with a grin. 

Remus smiled. "Thank you." He shoved the letter into his pocket, only half-listening as James and Sirius leapt into a conversation of possible suspects. Someone knew his secret.

Someone knew his secret. 

Remus spent the rest of the day feeling edgy, jumping at noises that his sensitive hearing could hear, and being alarmed by people he barely knew who were watching him. Sirius, for his part, stuck close fending off cheerful people, who only wanted to greet Remus, with a growl and a glare. If he had been his 'Padfoot' form, his hackles would have been up. James scouted the crowds with an almost comical detective persona, Peter watching people suspiciously at his side. If Remus weren't so frazzled, we would have laughed. From the way his friends were acting, you would have thought that it was a matter of national security. But that's how they were; if something bothered one of their group, no matter how small it was, they would leap to the defense. This applied even to Peter, who was the least likely of them all to do so. 

Remus' apprehension dimmed only slightly when, that night, he was hunched under the invisibility cloak with the rest of the marauders, hustling through the hall quickly. Silent and swift, they paused at the same time, peering around a corner and then dashing down another corridor. It was a practiced routine that they had perfected in their five years with the invisibility cloak. With all the sneaking around they did, it was hard not to learn the art of soundless movement. It had gotten them out of a fix more than once. 

Reaching a portrait of a faerie surrounded by flowers, James stuck his hand out and pointed at a few of them in succession. The faerie giggled, sprinkled them with gold dust, and they passed effortlessly through the wall that the picture was on. Once on the other side, the cloak was swept off, and the four boys looked around the room. It had been a room that they had found a while ago, and it seemed like no one but they knew where it was. With this knowledge, it was a fort of sorts, with a large chalkboard, and a long table set in the room. A few lanterns sat on shelves and wooden chairs surrounded the table. A fireplace roared in the corner, and a bookshelf near the back of the room could be pushed aside to reveal yet another hidden passage. A perfect base of operations. 

The four of them spread out and sat in their unofficial places; James was at the head of the table Sirius and Remus on the right side. Peter was on the other, and there were two spare chairs. James, after they had sat in silence for a minute or two, got up and picked up a piece of chalk. He paced back and forth in front of the chalkboard. "Now. Do we have suspects?"

"No."

"Nope."

"I don't think so."

James looked at them. "Well. Now what?"

Remus took the letter out of his pocket, smoothing it on the tabletop. His hands shook slightly. Unseen by the other two boys, Sirius rested a hand on Remus' thigh, under the guise of peering closer at the letter. Remus looked at him, startled, but it turned into a look of gratitude. A moment later, Sirius stood to pace beside James. 

Remus drew out his wand. "I suggest a locating spell." He said. "I'd do an Item Memory Recall, but I really don't feel up to it."

James and Sirius nodded in unison. "What do you need?" They chorused together. 

"Um…a sheet of parchment, ink and something to write with." There was a flurry of activity as three of the four marauders scrambled for such supplies. After they were resting in front of Remus, they all watched expectantly.

"Now what?" Peter asked. Remus didn't respond, but muttered, waving his wand over the quill and ink. "_Noter__…_" Moving his wand over the note, he said, "_Se rappeler, reconstruire, reveler votre auteur…_" He dipped the quill in the ink, and set it on the parchment. "_Aller."_ [1]

The note glowed for a moment, fluttering on the table. The quill stood up, and started scribbling across the parchment piece, drawing and reconstructing a face. The four boys watched, fascinated, as the quill promptly drew the person who had written the letter. When the quill fell to one side, and the note stopped fluttering, there was a silence as they gazed at the face. 

"I don't know her." James said. 

"Me neither." Peter agreed. 

Sirius and Remus were silent. Remus picked up the parchment leaf carefully between two fingers. "It's Ursula."

"Ursula Rayne." Sirius repeated softly.

In finding who it was that had sent the note to Remus, the four marauders made their way back to the Gryffindor Commons room, narrowly avoiding the Bloody Baron and the Grey Lady. The ghosts had been walking that night, and it caught them off guard. 

"I wish they would have a pattern or something…" James muttered. "We almost always run into them…" After that, there were no more incidents, and they made it back inside the Tower with ease. 

~~~

Remus tied his tie carefully, heart pounding as he looked at his reflection in the mirror. He felt better. Full moon had been a full three days previous and nothing unusually terrible had happened. Today he was going to approach Ursula. He had to, he'd put it off long enough, but that didn't make him feel any braver. He wanted and knew that he had to do it by himself, but some part of him wished that he could have Sirius along with him. … For…companion sake…that's all…right… Then a part of him briefly wondered how Sirius knew Ursula. 

Thump. Thump, thump. 

Tucking that line of thought away for later, Remus turned around, pulling out his wand. Peter's wardrobe on the other side of the room was moving. 

Thump, thump. 

Carefully, running over a list of defensive spells he could use, approached the wardrobe carefully. It wasn't one of Sirius' or James' pranks; they were downstairs already. There had to be some sort of creature in it. Counting to three, and making note of his chosen spell, Remus threw open the oak doors. Out fell three torn up shapes, and a large animal burst out behind them, feasting on a fourth. Forgetting every spell he ever knew, Remus backed up frantically, wand dropping from numb fingers. He backed into a bedpost.

"NO!"

The terrified scream echoed down the stairs and all three marauders looked up at the same time. They were finishing last minute homework before they went to breakfast. 

"What almost sounded like –"

"Moony." Sirius said, interrupting James. He leapt to his feet, sending a pot of ink onto the carpet with a smash. Sirius scrambled up the stairs three at a time, James and Peter a half of a step behind him. The dark haired boy kicked the door open, coming to an abrupt stop at the scene before him. 

Remus crouched in front of the wardrobe, the bodies of James, Peter and Romulus around him. Their eyes were wide and blank, throats torn out and bodies covered in slashes. Remus, his mouth covered and dripping in blood, viciously bit at a second Sirius' shoulder, holding him in an almost loving embrace. A large wolf sat nearby, tongue rolling out in silent laughter. Sirius was both horrified and confused, watching dumbly a James stepped over the Quidditch player's own mangled body to grip Remus by the arms. Remus looked up with glowing eyes, and the entire scene changed. Lily Evans slumped on the floor, broken and bruised, her hair disheveled and her clothes ripped. The bodies on the floor vanished. James drew away as she cried, his wand appearing. 

"A boggart." He said. "Riddiculus!" There was a loud snap.

Sirius didn't see what happened after that. Peter was hurriedly distracting people at the door, explaining that there was a boggart in the room. Some left, and others still wanted a look, curious as to all the noise. Peter dealt with them as James worked on the boggart, and Sirius followed the shuddering sobbing that he heard, going past Remus' and Peter's beds. Sirius found Remus – the real one – curled up in the space between James' bed and Sirius' night table. 

"Moony?"

The boy flinched, fingers twining in the bed sheets. Tears streamed down his cheeks, and his throat worked silently. Through gritted teeth another sob broke free, and Sirius knelt beside him. 

"Ah…Moony…" The boy flinched again, and Sirius took him into his arms. Remus' fingers pulled on the bed skirts but then broke free to tangle in Sirius' long hair, drifting near his waist. 

"Mon Deiu…" Remus choked out. "I'm sorry, so sorry…"

Sirius tilted back Remus' head. "Look at me, Moony."

"I can't, oh God, I can't."

"Please, Remus, look at me." Sirius didn't know why it was so important, but it was. "Please…"

Remus opened his eyes a fraction of an inch, staring mournfully at Sirius. Tears glimmered awash the amber orbs. Amber. Not yellow. 

"It's just a boggart, Moony." Sirius murmured, resting his head against Remus'. "It's all right."

There wasn't an answer, except for the tightening of arms around Sirius' waist, and the haunted look in Remus' eyes. 

~~~

That afternoon, Remus approached the Ravenclaw table, inwardly wincing as he prepared to interrupt a conversation of giggling girls. After the incident with the boggart, he felt he could face anything else that day. He could pick up Sirius' name, and references to his looks. Some of the things said made him want to flee before he heard the really juicy bits. Remus braced himself, and tapped one of the girls on the shoulder. 

"Ursula?" He said. "Can I talk to you for a moment?"

The girl's eyes lit up as she saw him, and she shyly approached him. The girls behind her giggled, and Remus drew her to one side. "Yes, Remus?"

Remus held up the note between two fingers, one eyebrow raised. "From you?"

Ursula gasped, eyes widening. She linked her hands before her, blushing deeply. "I didn't think that you'd be able to figure it out so quickly… I only sent one…"

Remus ran a hand through his hair. "Well, I can't say that I expected this, but…" He paused. "I don't know if I can –"

"Do you want to go to Hogsmeade tomorrow?" Ursula asked brightly. Caught off guard, Remus waited. "We could go to a café and talk, if you want."

Remus sighed with relief. "Yes, that would be much appreciated." It would be easier than trying to ask questions he didn't want overheard in the Great Hall. Ursula smiled and made a pleased sound, clapping her hands. She gave a half hug to Remus, saying that she would wait for him in the Entrance Hall at 10 o'clock. "Wait!" Remus called, as she bounded off. "You won't tell anyone about my…situation, will you?"

She waved a hand at him. "No, of course not." She turned and sat among her friends, sending up a new array of giggles and whispering. Remus, feeling as though he'd been thoroughly ruffled, put the note back in his pocket, and retreated back to the comfort of the Gryffindor table, where James had been giving thumbs up to show his support.  

"So?" He asked. "What's the story?"

Remus poured himself a big cup of tea. "We're going to a café tomorrow, and she's going to explain."

"Good job." James said, nodding. "Get her on a date, and –"

"It's not a date!" Remus said quickly. 

"Café? Prearranged time? No adult supervision?" James raised his glass in a toast. "That sounds like a date to me."

"Is not!" Remus said. "Sirius-" He stopped. "Um…"

James leaned forward, interest shining in his hazel eyes. "What about Sirius?"

"Nothing."

"No, no…go on. What were you going to say?"

Remus scrambled for a cover-up. "I was saying…seriously…it's not a date." Remus downed his tea and fled.

James chuckled to himself, eating one of the chocolate snitches that Lily had given him for his birthday. He hummed, a plan forming in his mind. __

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[1] Record… Recall, reconstruct, reveal your writer… Go.   

Remus: Sirius, guess what!

Sirius: ::sighs:: I know that there was a new shipment of chocolate at Honeydukes, Moony.

Remus: O.O THERE WAS A NEW SHIPMENT OF CHOCOLATE AT HONEYDUKES??

Sirius: Um *fidget* Noooo…

Remus: XP Don't do that! … Anyway… I found a constellation in the sky called **Lupus**.

Sirius: So?

Remus: It's the **wolf **constellation. 

Sirius: Cool.

Remus: Yeah… Now, about that shipment…

Sirius: -_-;;

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


	5. Of Kindship

Chapter Four: Of Kinship

Okay. Seen "Underworld" anyone? Best werewolf movie I've ever seen! God, that's amazing! The plot twists and manipulates you so often – it's fantastic! Go see it now! ... Well, after you read the chapter...then go see it!

Sorry that this took so long to get out – I had to rewrite the beginning because it was too sparse... And I couldn't come up with anything for a long time... Heh...

This chapter is dedicated to Moony05, a fellow marauder (I'm Padfoot in my own group of marauder players). Anyone wanting a good, brilliant fic, should go check out her stories. Thanks for R&Ring for me Moony05! You're amazing! .

The word Butterbeer – eight times in this chapter! (Not counting that one.)

* * *

The next day, Remus sat in a chair in a café in Hogsmeade, pleasantly surprised to find himself there. Ursula sat down across from him, two steaming cups of tea in her hands. She passed one over to him. "Here – it's herbal, I thought you might like it."

"Thank you." Remus sipped from the cup, breathing in the gentle wafting scent. Mint. It smelled of wild mint. Where did he know that scent?

The tables around them seemed overly loud in the face of their silence. Inwardly horrified, Remus saw Bellatrix walk in with the Lestrange guy from Slytherin. She leaned against him and laughed, blowing a kiss at Remus as Lestrange turned to scan for a table.

Ignoring her flirting, Remus drank his tea deeply, tasting its smell on his tongue. _Sirius_. He thought suddenly. _It smells like Sirius. _Remus put the cup down sharply, blushing. Why had he thought of that?

"Don't you like it?" Ursula asked, pale blue eyes glittering. She was actually rather pretty, Remus noticed. Her long brown hair was lightly curled up at the ends. She was wearing violet robes with a low cut collar that was meant to attract the eye, and when Remus followed it curiously, he saw that it only gave the slightest hint of cleavage.

Directing his gaze back at her face, Remus smiled at her. "I do – it's just hot, that's all."

"I see." She gave him a knowing glance and the marauder realized that he had clearly checked her out while she was watching.

_Whoops._ Remus stirred the cup with his fingertip, despite his previous excuse about its temperature. "So...how did you...find out?" He hadn't looked intentionally – _the design of the robes was interesting, that's all... _

"About your-"

"Yes." Remus interrupted. He didn't want secret things to be said too loudly.

Ursula hesitated. "Well, I don't know if you knew this, but...Sirius and I used to date..."

Remus' hand jerked, and he hid it by brushing away a fold in the tablecloth. "No, I didn't..."

The girl nodded. "Sirius was..." She paused thoughtfully, a slight blush highlighting her cheeks. "Well, Sirius was fun. But this is the two-week relationship boy, himself, and it didn't last long." She gave a laugh that turned into a sigh, her eyes distant. "Yes...it didn't last long, because, I'll admit, I was only trying to get closer to you."

"By dating Sirius-?" Remus asked with a raised eyebrow.

Ursula spooned some sugar into her mug, stirring it slowly. "Whether or not you've realized it, Remus, you are in an elite group. Hell, none of us really know you four except Lily, and that's because she's dating James. Can you even name five other people in your year?"

Remus silently stared at the tablecloth. To his surprise, he found that he couldn't. Lucius, Snape, Narcissa...that girl from herbology...the twins from Ravenclaw...

"I'm sure you guys don't really mean to be like that, but you are." Ursula smiled at him again. "As to At first I thought that it was just a coincidence. I barely even noticed it, but...when you're pining over someone, you're bound to watch them.''

"Why did you go to Sirius first, then? Why wouldn't you just talk to me?"

"Sirius is pretty much the easiest to talk to, believe it or not. And everyone knows that if they want to even talk to you, they have to go through him."

"That's ridiculous." Remus said with a skeptical look.

"Is it?" Ursula prompted, "He's very protective of you. I asked him about all your sick days and he basically ended things with me. He loves you very much."

"We're just friends!" Remus blurted, and he spilled some of his tea on the tabletop. People sitting at the table around them glanced his way, and Remus smiled sheepishly. Ursula gave him a strange look, and Remus, at a loss, randomly laughed.

"Are you all right?" She asked quizzically.

"Yeah, fine," Remus said, and he stood in his seat. "I'm getting another cup of tea – do you want some while I'm up there?"

"Sure."

Remus fled, candidly avoiding Bellatrix' table. _Why am I freaking out? Merlin..._

* * *

"Sit!" James said, blocking the door as Sirius made to go for it. "Down, Padfoot, down!"

"Bloody well, sod off, James!" Sirius growled.

James dropped his joking demeanor. "C'mon, mate, leave Remus alone."

"But-"

"He's on a date, Padfoot." James said pointedly. Peter doodled on a piece of parchment, missing the hidden significance behind James's raised eyebrow.

Sirius stopped. "On a date? With a girl?"

James rolled his eyes. "No, you idiot; with a crouton! What's wrong with Moony going out on a date?"

"With a crouton?"

The bespeckled boy gave Sirius a Look. The other boy sat on the edge of his bed, arms crossed. "You know what I meant, Prongs." He sighed.

James sat down beside him, leaning in to murmur into his ear. "There's nothing to do about it Sirius." He said lowly. "Unless you want to finally come out and just bloody well say it!" James raised an eyebrow. "You've hinted at it often enough, why not just make it final? Don't tell me that you were just playing around with Remus, Sirius, don't you dare."

Peter looked over at them. "Not yet!" Sirius said, shoving James into the curtains. The Quidditch player tangled in the fabric, falling half off the bed. There was a startled exclamation, and Sirius laughed as he heaved James back onto the bed. "Not yet." He repeated. "I do mean it, but I'm not saying it yet."

James examined his face for a moment. "Okay." He rolled off the bed to his feet.

"Who's the girl?" Sirius asked casually.

"That Ursula Rayne girl."

"The one that sent him the letter!?" Sirius cried, shedding all illusion of restraint that he might have had. "But –"

James put a hand over Sirius' mouth, muffling protests. "I wouldn't worry about it." Muffled words. "Yes, I know, but I wouldn't worry about it. Things will turn out fine." He let go of Sirius.

The dark featured lad grumbled. "Fine, my ass."

James decided to ignore him, pulling his broom from under the bed. "What you need is some time on the pitch. Wanna go fly some?"

Sirius sighed. "Sure...why not?"

* * *

"...And then he tripped over the chair and fell into the ink!" James was saying. Sirius snorted, grinning.

"Right, Prongs. He couldn't have been that stupid—"

"Are you suggesting that I'm lying?"

"Indeed I am!"

"Them's fighting works, Black!"

"I think they are, Potter!"

They laughed, shoving each other lightly as they skidded down the slanting path. Sirius fell into a patch of clovers, and he sat there simply laughing. James rubbed his forehead, trying to breathe around his friendly snickering.

"Haha – that's exactly what he did, Padfoot, just...fell right over!"

"Oh, stuff it in your ear, Prongs. You said he tripped over a ch—" Sirius stopped, staring past James. The Seeker frowned slightly, looking over his shoulder. Coming across the field, heading to the castle, were two figures, arm-in-arm. The first was Ursula Rayne. The second was Remus.

Sirius heaved himself into a standing position, ignoring James' outstretched hand. He brushed himself off and picked up his discarded broom, a tight expression on his face.

"Sirius."

"It's fine, remember, Prongs?" He said shortly, turning back to the path. "Let's go." He went without another word, determinedly to the pitch. James looked at Remus and Ursula, managing to snag the young Gryffindor's eye. They shared a glance over the distance; James' was neutral but smiling, and Remus' was slightly confused, if not embarrassed for some reason. His eyes flickered to Sirius' retreating back and then back to James.

Ursula took notice of Remus' straying attention, and waved at James. James grinned and waved his broom at her, before saluting and running to catch up with Sirius. He came to a slow walk at his best mate's side, but wisely didn't say anything. They came through the narrow ground-level tunnel onto the pitch, the path turning from gravel to rich green grass.

"Ahh, I'm home," James raised his arms to the sky, breathing in the airy, grassy smell of the pitch. Something caught his eye, and James realized that there were people already flying – an entire team. "Aw, hell..."

Sirius sighed and pointed to a random robe lying on the bench. "I spy something green."

"Oy!"

Both Gryffindors turned to watch the Slytherin team float down from the air. Lucius Malfoy was in the lead, long hair tied back by a silver clasp. He landed and strode up to James and Sirius, tossing his hair over one shoulder. "What are you two doing here?"

"Don't act as if this is your personal pitch, Malfoy," Sirius said crossly, glaring at him.

Lucius sneered at him, "Well, Black, it's not yours either."

"I didn't say it was," Sirius shot back. James sighed and rolled his broom between his hands. Lucius looked at him sharply.

"What are you on about, Potter?" Lucius snapped. James made a face at him, but didn't respond. This only served to make the Slytherin angrier.

As Lucius and Sirius traded sniping remarks, a group of girls came down from the benches. Narcissa Black led the way, several other Slytherin girls flanking her. James saw them coming and groaned, covering his eyes with his hand. He muttered something along the lines of, 'it's just getting better and better...'

Narcissa stood behind Lucius, slipping a hand up to rest on his chest. Lucius automatically leaned into her, sending a scorching insult at Sirius. She rested her head on his shoulder, and glared at her cousin. "What's going on, Lucius?"

Sirius stared at her, thrown off by her public display of affection towards his enemy. "What's this?"

Lucius smirked at Sirius, a secretly pleased look spreading across his face. "You mean that you didn't know?" At Sirius' blank look, he deliberately turned and kissed Narcissa; long and slow.

Sirius blinked, his throat working soundlessly. "But you – she – there's –"He sputtered angrily. "Disgusted! Utterly disgusted!" He stormed off the pitch, fuming. "First Ursula and now this...?"

James cradled his broom. "Don't mind him. He's having a bad day."

"Funny. I thought he was normally a spaz."

"I wouldn't talk, you deranged over-dyed blond."

Lucius' eyes flashed. "Are you turning this into a fight, Potter?" He indicated the array of people dressed in silver and green. "You are terribly outnumbered."

"Always depending on lackeys." James muttered. "Typical."

"I figure that I can take you on myself." Lucius snapped.

"You're as spry as a troll, Malfoy." James said. "Smart as one, too."

Lucius leapt at him, and James' first thought was, _Ack! My new broom!_

* * *

"Isn't this the sort of thing that Sirius usually ends up doing?"

James batted away Lily's hand, as she tried to clean a cut on his lip. The fight had been broke up by Mme. Hooch, but James had managed to give Lucius a good toss or two. As for the Slytherin, he cut James' lip on his gaudy family ring and ripped his favorite Quidditch shirt. They were in the commons room, sitting in the window seats.

"Sure." James said slowly, trying to eat a chocolate frog that Peter was offering him. The thing kept on wiggling around, and James squashed him in annoyance. "But Padfoot wasn't too happy about Lucy and Narcissa being together."

"Why not?" Lily asked. "I'm sorry to say it, but they seem nice together."

Remus mused for a moment. "Yes, but you know how much Sirius hates Lucius. And Narcissa isn't his favorite cousin, to begin with."

"Oh."

"Oh, is right." James said with a shudder. "With roles reversed, I would have stormed off too."

Peter looked around. "Where is he, anyway?"

James renewed his quest for chocolate with another frog. "Padfoot? I thought he came back here."

Remus shook his head. "Haven't seen him since..." He faltered. "Well, since I came back from Hogsmeade."

"So Sirius is MIA?" Lily asked.

"MIA?" Peter repeated.

"Missing in action," Remus explained absently. "If he didn't come back here, then where would he have disappeared to?"

Peter stood, eyes closed. "If I were Padfoot..." He hummed for a minute, shifting his stance slightly; leaning left leg, his right foot slid on the floor, turning out somewhat. Arms became loose and ready at his side, and his shoulders pulled back, slanting so their position was acutely defensive. With eyes still closed, Peter tilted his chin to his higher shoulder, head falling a little to the same side. All in all, Peter looked disturbingly Sirius-esque.

Remus adverted his eyes from Peter, blushing furiously as he examined the black laces on his school shoes. Lily gave the shortest marauder a wide-eyed look, and James abruptly choked on a chocolate frog.

"What in Merlin's name are you doing?" James asked, spraying chocolate across the bed spread.

Peter opened one eye to look at him. "What?"

Lily pointed at him, wiggling her fingers randomly, "That – what is that?"

The small marauder blinked at the three of them, "I'm getting into a Sirius state of mind, to find out where he went to."

"Please," Remus stuttered, one of his hands was holding the front of his robes closed while the other sheltered his eyes, "Please stop doing it; it's..." Remus hesitated, biting his lip, "It's upsetting..."

Peter stared at them again before going back to his own stance and posture. "Okay. It's not a big deal, you know."

James hopped down from the bed and shook a finger at him. "Never do that again, got it, Wormtail?"

"O...kay..." Peter was confused.

James shook himself and then picked up his shoes, "Besides, I know where he is."

Three of the marauders ducked into the passage when the coast was clear. They could hear Lily distracting Severus Snape around the next corner. The nosy little git had run into them around their secret exit from the school, near a large mirror, and wouldn't go away. Lily, the brave lass that she was, offered to keep him busy while the rest took off.

"I'm going to marry her one day," James said admiringly, watching as Lily argued with Snape about holly and bumbleberries. Peter and Remus rolled their eyes, and shoved the seeker down the secret passage. After a quick walk through the winding turns of the dark tunnel, they came to an end. In the dark, the three of them neatly climbed up the stair and into a dark alleyway. Turning the corner into the dim light of a lantern, they slipped into the front door of the Three Broomsticks.

The air was thick with smoke and the smell of alcohol, as per usual, and the dull low murmur of people revealed a rare lull in sound. The three of them had hit the tavern in one of its rare pauses, which usually meant that the ruckus would return later in full throttle. A group of elderly witches were sitting in the back, examining satchels full of spice, while other patrons were scattered across the room. Madam Rosmerta waved cheerfully at the three boys, used to their unauthorized appearances, and nodded to a single figure sitting alone at a table against the right wall.

James led the way through the maze of tables, Remus and Peter close behind him. Sirius, who had had his feet resting on one of the four chairs at the table, barely glanced up at their arrival. He was still wearing his Quidditch clothing – a loose long sleeve shirt with a star-shaped rip on the left collarbone, and loose cotton pants over light leather shoes. A bottle of Butterbeer was clenched in one hand, and four others were sitting neatly around the table.

Sirius drained the bottle and lifted his feet off the chair so James could sit on it. Remus took up the position to his left, and Peter sat on his right. In unison, they opened fresh bottles of the Butterbeer, brought them together in a toast, and took a long, silent drink.

"I've decided to look for proof that I was adopted at birth," Sirius announced, taking first position in the unofficial marauders meeting. "That failing, I shall create proof."

"Witnessed," James said firmly.

"Narcissa has taken to Lucius Malfoy, and as such, is a cousin in name only, to me."

"Witnessed," Remus said softly.

Sirius pursed his lips momentarily and continued, "Bellatrix is intent on being a manipulative bitch to me and to all of you, and is also only a cousin in name, to me." A low growl fended off the questioning looks, and the boys let it pass as another event of Sirius' Terrrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day.

"Witnessed," Peter finished.

As something of a closing statement, Sirius said, "I have no family. I recognize no one but Andromeda, who is obviously adopted as I will soon find myself to be."

James clapped Sirius on the shoulder. "Cheer up, mate! We're your family, now!" He clinked his bottle against Sirius' and they both drank deeply, soon joined by Remus and Peter. "To us, who will always be against them!"

"Here, here." Remus chorused. Sirius gave them a half smile and rested back in his seat. They all drank slowly for a while as James regaled them with the tale of his battle with Lucius. Soon, the night masses started to fill into the Three Broomsticks, and their laughter was lost in the dusty, smoky din.

Catching his breath after laughing at a dirty joke Peter had told, Remus realized, abruptly, that Sirius's eyes were very, very gray. Their cloudy hue shifted as Remus leaned in to examine them, and Sirius blinked. James and Peter watched as Remus touched the mouth of his bottle of Butterbeer to Sirius's cheek – right below the examined feature. With an exaggerated carefulness, he traced an invisible line from Sirius' nose to his sideburns. The boy looked at Sirius curiously, asking, "Weren't your eyes blue, before?"

Peter tried to catch a look as Sirius took his time answering. Remus waited patiently as the raven-haired boy swallowed and nodded. "I –uh- tried out a coloring spell...thought blue would be better..."

"Don't." Remus said abruptly; he pulled the bottle away from Sirius' cheek and took a long swig from it. He settled back in his chair and added, "I like the blue much less."

James stood to get another round of drinks, trying to hide his grin. "Padfoot! Assist me!" Sirius followed James to the bar where the seeker instantly spun on him and jabbed him in the chest with one finger. "He likes you too! I knew it!"

Sirius signaled the bartender for four Butterbeers, "What are you on about?"

The other lad simply stared at him "...Were you _not_ sitting at the table?"

"No, I was, but-"

"It's obvious," James said plainly.

Sirius shrugged. "He's had a couple bottles of Butterbeer," he said, by way of excuse.

"Only a couple."

"It's Remus. We _know_ he doesn't handle liquor well." They paused in remembrance of a drunk Remus thinking that he could play all the characters in "Molly the Muggle Maniac," in their appropriate languages and costume, all at the same time.

James shook his head. "There's hardly any booze in Butterbeer, and besides," he poked Sirius in the chest again, "he likes ya!"

The Black family heir made an attempt to bat the boy away, "He likes Ursula."

"No, Padfoot," James whined, "don't go into a whole big denial thing! Make a move!"

"You sound like Lily." The response was mumbled – Padfoot was starting to get grumpy.

"...What's this?" James, of course, picked up on the name of his ladylove. "You've talked to Lily about it?"

Sirius rolled his eyes and leaned on the barstool. "No, but it sounds like something that she'd say – 'go for it!'" He said, pitching his voice in a surprisingly accurate imitation of the girl, "'seize the moment!' 'Live in the _now_!'" He waved his hands like he was trying to land a flight of brooms.

"Yeah, that sounds like something she'd say..." James drifted for a moment in the thought of Lily. Sirius' flailing hand caught him behind the ear and he jerked out of it. "But that's besides the point." He looked appraisingly at his best friend. "Come on, Sirius..."

"No." The bartender set the four bottles on the counter and Sirius dumped a handful of silver beside it. The bartender snatched it up and walked away, while Sirius picked up three of the four bottles. "Noticing I changed my eye color means nothing. Even _you_ noticed that."

"It's _how_ he noticed it, you silly git!" Exasperated, James gave an annoyed look. "_He_ got all flirty – _I_ shrugged and hit you with a floating kabob in Transfiguration!"

Sirius ignored him and walked back to the table. Despite various attempts through the evening to prod the two on, Sirius and Remus didn't do anything out of the normal. James gave up after a while, being a little huffy, and decided to leave the two alone for the moment. He would try meddling in his friends' love lives another day.

The night wore on and it eventually took Madam Rosemerta three warnings and a dirty look before the boys finally decided to leave the tavern.

"Come on..." Sirius said huskily, long fingers wrapping around Remus' wrist. "Let's go back to the castle." He finished the rest of his Butterbeer, and the marauders exited the pub, dashing through the streets of the city. Remus followed at high speed, momentarily losing them when they shifted forms.

Remus laughed as they ran through the trees around Hogsmeade, Padfoot-Sirius twining around his legs. He knew that Peter was darting around somewhere and that the smaller Animagi would be careful enough not to get trampled on. James dashed by, proud head adorned with the antlers that gave him the nickname, Prongs. Remus tilted his head to the sky for a moment, for once feeling the adrenaline rush that came with running through the dense forestry in the middle of the night without having to resort to nightmares of the wolf. He didn't even feel the fatigue and dizziness that usually came with drinking as much Butterbeer as they had. It was like he was normal...for a moment.

Sirius knocked him playfully to the ground, paws resting on Remus' shoulders. Remus gasped as he fell back, unused to the sensation of falling. He landed softly in the damp grass, blinking as he stared up at the face of 'Padfoot'. When the boy didn't move for a moment, the shaggy black dog's image shimmered and flickered, leaving a tall Sirius in its wake.

"Are you all right, Moony?" Sirius asked, concerned with his friend's sudden lack of movement. His long black hair had grown much since the beginning of the year, and now it dangled like a curtain around his face. Sirius crouched over Remus, bending to look closely at him as he waited for a response. "Well?"

Remus' heart hammered in his chest as he stared at the face of one of his best friends. Why was he feeling like he had eaten too much chocolate while lying upside-down? He was_ just_ Sirius... It didn't matter that they played about flirting with one another... It didn't matter that they had shared an innocent kiss on Christmas, or that Sirius was overly protective, or that Remus' favorite chocolate type had inevitably switched to mint-flavored...

"Moony?"

Remus shifted under Sirius. "You're heavier than you look, you know?" Sirius blinked and then grinned at him. Sirius then disappeared and the big black dog appeared in his place. The shaggy beast licked Remus' face and bounded away. Remus stared at the stars above before sitting up. _It doesn't matter ..._ He sighed and then ran after Padfoot, feeling the adrenaline rush again.

* * *

"My feet are cold," Peter said quietly.

"Then maybe you shouldn't have gone through that puddle," Sirius said blandly, turning sharply down the passage and around the corner.

Peter shivered and nearly tripped over Remus' heels. "I was a rat – it was either go through it, or waste a whole lot of time going around it." There was a silence and the four boys could hear the low sound of 'squish', 'squish'. "My socks are soggy."

James snorted in the dark, "That's something I could have done without knowing."

The four of them paused when they reached the end of the passage. Sirius, being the first in the line, pressed his ear to the wood of the wall. Carefully, he pushed it open, peering out into the hall with one eye. "Clear." He pushed it open all the way and hopped down to the floor. Remus followed him, once Peter had gotten off of his pant hem.

A low shuffling reached their ears, followed by a soft mumbling.

"Go back!" Sirius hissed, shutting the mirror in Peter's face. Remus glanced down the hall at the approaching shadow and looked for another way out. The hall ended at the mirror, and there was no way that they could head toward Filch. They didn't have James's invisibility cloak and going back through the passage would risk the discovery of their secret exit. Sirius grabbed hold of Remus' arm and pulled them to a tapestry near by. He shoved it aside, indicating Remus to go first. Remus did, moving to stand in the small nook. Sirius squeezed in, the hiding spot barely large enough for the both of them.

The hanging fluttered for a moment, and stilled as the voice of Filch was heard. "Where are they, those troublemakers? Thinking they can hide from me, can they? Setting Everlasting Expel Gel in the corridors, are they? Damn kids..."

Remus tuned the caretaker out, instead hearing the wild thumping of his heartbeat for the second time that night. He could hear Sirius' too, seeing as the taller boy was pressed up to him, arms going around him to brace against the wall. Remus looked down for some reason, embarrassed. His gaze fell to where the neck of Sirius' robe had been pulled open. Sometime during their adventure that night, probably in the trees of Hogsmeade, Sirius had picked up a scratch on his collarbone. Blood eased from the cut, oozing slowly. Without thought, Remus pulled back the collar of the robe and, with one long, slow movement, licked the pretty crimson blood away. His eyelids fluttered as he pulled back, some strange sound rumbling in the back of his throat. Sirius stared at him; half startled and half surprised, seeing an odd emotion flash in his friend's expression. Remus seemed to shake himself out of whatever mood he was in, blinking self-consciously.

"Sorry," He murmured throatily. "I don't know what came over me." He was staring fixatedly at the slit on Sirius' neck, and he had an alarmed expression on his face.

"Are you all right?" Sirius asked, concerned. "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea-"

"Nonsense," Remus shook his head, tongue flickering across rosy lips. "I-it's fine."

Sirius swallowed hard, fingers straying on the cleaned cut by his neckline. "I think Filch is gone. We should go back to the tower."

"Okay." Remus agreed, back to his usual passive self. Sirius glanced at him one last time, and tried to ignore the strange swirl of emotion in his friend's amber eyes.

* * *

WHOA! What's up with Remus?  
You: I dunno.  
Sirius: I don't know either, but I like it!  
Remus: Sirius!  
Sirius: Rwar! -winks-  
Remus: -.-;; Crimmidy...

(By the way, the crouton joke was something I got off of a Friends episode, so it's not really mine... I wish it was, though – it's hilarious.)  
(And 'Sirius' Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day' is based on the book title of the same name, except with Alexander in place of Sirius' name.)

Sirius' eye color is changed mostly because I just found out that his actual eye color is actually gray. JK said so herself. On her website. –sighs- Oh well. Cheers!


	6. Marauder's Map

Chapter Five: Marauder's Map

Nothing's mine. As usual. Oh! You know what? The actor who plays Sirius in the PoA movie is the voice actor for the Earthworm in 'James in the Giant Peach.' o! Sorry, but that strikes me as hilarious. Heehee...

'Maudire' in French means 'damn'.

Since we can't use asterisks anymore, flashbacks will be bold and italic, since my markers are no longer allowed. For example... '_**Maudire' in French means 'damn'** _Got it? I hope you enjoy – cheers, everyone!

* * *

Time passed, and things were business as normal. Remus, in danger of actually failing potions, took on some extra homework assignments that would boost his mark (and cut into his sleep time). James shamelessly courted Lily, who was equally infuriated and flattered by the Potter boy. Peter got to know that Hufflepuff girl better, and, surprisingly, took part in a Care of Creatures competition that he ranked highly in. Sirius, being Sirius, didn't really focus on anything, but hopped around, dark and cheerful. He took to vanishing away at any spare moment he could, and returning with a slightly agitated, if not pleased, look on his face. Despite attempts from all the marauders to find out what he was cooking up, Sirius wouldn't say a word. James tried to follow him, but Sirius somehow knew, and always lost him on the third floor, right by the balcony. Deciding that he would tell them in due time, the three boys left Sirius alone. Besides, James refused to believe that Sirius just might know the secret passages of the school better than he.

Remus continued to go to Hogsmeade with Ursula, drinking many cups of herbal mint tea and going over charms homework with her. Every time that Remus was starting on his way to meet the Ravenclaw lass, Sirius would suddenly vanish to that place he kept vanishing to, and didn't come back until well into the night.

"Why does he do this?" Remus murmured to himself, folding a dry quill between the pages of his charms textbook. Sirius had stalked out of the commons room yet again, small backpack clenched in one fist, and a scroll in the other.

James looked up from a complicated diagram of the Quidditch pitch, having heard the question. "Is it that hard to figure out?"

Remus sighed and shrugged, "When she asked me to the Yule Ball, he encouraged me to take her," James nodded, remembering that he had done the same, "but if I help her with homework and drink tea with her, then suddenly he's all broody and – and..."

"And?" James prompted.

"And..." The brunette shoved the textbook he was holding into a bag. "And something. I don't know." With that, he left the room as well, leaving a highly amused seeker in his wake.

If that wasn't enough, the moon the previous month had been short and uneventful (as was told to Remus). It was reported that the wolf seemed edgy, and slightly tame. The news was welcome, but slightly suspicious to him. It didn't match what he was dreaming of, and Remus was sure that the marauders were hiding something from him. The French lad didn't like it, and he said so, but they pleaded innocence that was obviously faked. Remus, tired and fatigued, didn't care enough to explore it. His dreams told him enough...

_**Running, hard and fast, the wind in his ears and fur, mouth open and tongue rolling out in laughter. Padfoot was running behind him, and even Prongs struggled to keep up with him. Hungry. Thirsty. The night was young...so was the meat and the blood.**_

**'_Where are you going?' Padfoot barked.' What's the hurry, Moony?'_**

_**Good Padfoot...always keeping an eye out for Moony. ' I need to feed, Padfoot!'**_

_**Prongs took great strides to catch up. 'I saw squirrels near the stream!' He said. Wormtail was hanging onto an antler for dear life; it was the only way the little one could run with us. Laughter again. Poor Wormtail, always so slow and small. **_

**'_I don't want squirrels!'_**

**'_Why not?' Padfoot said. 'They're good for you!'_**

**'_Don't like them. Need something bigger.'_**

_**Prongs jumped in front of Moony, causing them all to stop. 'A badger?'**_

**'_No. Much bigger. Something warm and juicy.'_**

**'_I swear that I saw a fox; some of them moved in last week.' Prongs tossed his head, nearly making Wormtail fly off. There was a little squeak. 'We could hunt them down. It would be a game.'_**

**'_A game?'_**

**'_Yeah!' Padfoot said. He grinned. 'Whoever gets the foxes first is the King of the Moon!'_**

**'_Yes! Yes, let's play that game!' _**

_**Running again, smelling and searching for foxes...pretty rowan furred foxes...**_

Peter shook Remus awake, early the morning after Full Moon. Remus batted at him half-heartedly, groaning into his pillow.

"Remus..."

"_S'en aller_..." Remus muttered.

"...What?"

"Go away."

"It's kind of really important."

"Unless it involves Sirius charming my pajamas to dance, again, then I really don't care."

"But..."

Remus opened one eye slowly, using the effect of fading gold-amber eyes to stare directly at Peter. "Wormtail, please go away. I spent last night trying not to kill anyone," he narrowed his gaze for effect, "And I'm still a might bit peckish." Usually he didn't approve of threats, but he was pretty goddam tired.

Peter gulped, fidgeting. "Okay, but it's about James' birthday." He said. "Sirius's got this big thing planned."

Remus tiredly propped himself up on his elbows. "Why does that concern me?"

"He won't admit it, but I think he needs help."

Remus blinked at Peter, not feeling in a very helpful mood. He rolled over. "Why can't it wait till tomorrow or something?"

Peter looked at him with pleading eyes, poking at his shoulder. "You know how he's been going off alone lately? Well...this is why."

Remus grunted at him.

"He's been working on it for two months...help him? Please?"

Remus sighed, slowly flopping so his torso and upper body were hanging off the bed. He shuffled around underneath.

"Um...Remus?"

"Hand me my pants." Remus said, voice muffled. He appeared, shoes in hand. "Where's Sirius?"

"In the library, if you can believe it."

Remus and Peter came upon Sirius, who was hiding in a section of the library, deep in the back. He jumped at their approach, looking extremely guilty. "Moony...shouldn't you be sleeping?"

"Secret's out, Padfoot," Remus said wearily. "What are you doing for James' birthday?"

Sirius fiddled with a quill that he was holding. His fingers were stained with different colored inks. "What makes you think I'm doing something for James' birthday?" His eyes narrowed shiftily.

Remus sighed, leaning on Sirius' shoulder as he looked down at the table. It was a piece of parchment, empty. Inkbottles were lying open; some empty, some full. Scattered quills fluttered about. Remus looked at Sirius.

Sirius stared back.

They stood, staring for a moment. Remus raised an eyebrow; Sirius shrugged his shoulders. Remus gave him a look, and Sirius shook his head.

Peter watched, fascinated at the silent exchange.

Remus deepened the look, glancing at the map quickly. Sirius sighed and gave in, pulling his wand out of his back pocket. He waved it at the parchment, saying, "I solemnly swear I am up to no good," And tapped it.

As they watched, the parchment ceased to be blank, and letters, lines and dots rose to the top, squiggling and turning into something of an uncompleted map. It wiggled on the page for a moment, and Sirius suddenly pulled the three of them away from the paper. As they ducked behind various pieces of furniture, the page spurted out ink, splattering on the bookshelves and table. Slowly Remus, Sirius and Peter stood again.

"It's not supposed to do that," Sirius said, embarrassed, "But I'm working on it."

"What is it _supposed_ to do?" Remus asked, saying a spell that cleared away the ink on the books and table.

"Well, it's supposed to be a map of the school – the entire school."

Peter poked the paper, "What's so special about that?"

Sirius snatched the map away from him, "The special part of it is what I'm trying to get to work! The ink spurting thing is only temporary right now, but that's because I can't get the Tracking Charm and the Identification Spell to work together. See, I want to have the map know all the people moving around in Hogwarts and the area, but I already have eighteen layers to the map, and I can't figure out how to get it to watch each individual person and remember them when they come and go from the grounds..."

Remus sank into a chair, "Why didn't you just ask us for help?"

"I wanted it to be somewhat...impressive... Right now, it's just a map that spits ink at you."

"I say that's impressive, anyway." James said, peering over Sirius' shoulder, hands in pockets. "Think of the fun we could have with that."

"ACK!" Sirius pressed up against the bookcase. "Why does everyone keep doing that to me today?!"

James grinned. "It's fun. So, this is for me?" He picked up the parchment scroll, looking at it. "Spiffy..."

Sirius rubbed his neck. "Well, it's going to be a Marauders Map, when it's done, you know...something that we could sneak around with, and not get caught with, because we would see them coming! And we'd know where we could go and what people are doing, and...it's going to be great! There are activation words..." Sirius demonstrated, tapping the parchment. "I solemnly swear I am up to no good." It activated. "And the words that we would use to wipe it clean, make it just paper again, are-"

SPLURT.

Sirius blinked, black liquid dripping from his eyelashes. "-Mischief Managed." The paper cleared, and Sirius set it delicately on the table.

"Stupid," James said admiringly to Remus, looking at his ink-covered best friend, "Stupid, but brilliant. We have work to do, gentlemen!"

Remus shook his head with a smile, casting a cleaning spell on Sirius. Sirius was clapping James on the back, saying, "Happy Birthday, Prongs!"

**..._licking his muzzle, relishing the dripping crimson drops that tasted like copper. It was warm and luscious, and it gave an inner fire to his veins. It sated his hunger, but only for the moment._**

**'_Why Padfoot no eat some?'_**

_**Padfoot had been sitting on a large tree stump, talking to Prongs and Wormtail. He wagged his tail at Moony. 'I'm not hungry, Moony.' **_

**'_You're never hungry.'_**

**'_I usually eat before I see you.' Padfoot explained, nudging Moony with his head. 'Full, now?'_**

**'_Full. I win the game.' _**

**'_Yes, you do.' _**

**'_I'm King of the Moon.'_**

**'_Yes, Moony.' Padfoot said, shaking out his fur. 'You are.' _**

**'_King of the Moon...'_**

"Mr. Lupin, are you listening?" Remus muttered something in French. "Mr. Lupin? Oh, dear. Someone prod him, will you?"

PROD.

Remus grumbled, snatching up someone's wrist. "_Je essayer sommeil_..."[1]

"Remus, I don't understand. Wake up will you?"

Remus sat up, yawning. "Potions?" Blinking, he saw that the class and the teacher, Professor Elwood, were all looking at him. Sirius and James sat at the table in front of him, and Lily was the one whose wrist he was holding. Remus released her, and looked down at his caldron. It was an icky orange color. He glanced at Lily's; it was a brilliant red.

"Now, are you listening, Mr. Lupin?" Professor Elwood had his book open, and was looking at Remus archly.

"Yes, sir."

"Now, as I was saying, it seems that you have forgotten to add the main regent to your potion. That would be...?"

Remus stared into the cauldron. "Um...bicorn's horn?"

"No, Mr. Lupin. You need to add beetles eyes. You learned this in first year." The Professor gave him a disapproving look and moved on.

Remus, humiliated, watched as Sirius, shooting a sympathetic look at him, pulled a small flat disc out of his pocket. Groaning, Remus let his head drop into his hands, shaking his head. _Not the Webbing Wonders... _

Webbing Wonders, along with Sticky Slimelights and Everlasting Expel Gel, were contraband prank materials from Zonkos. So, naturally, the marauders had a large supply of them. Sirius favored the Webbing Wonders, and usually had a few of them on his person at any given time. Now, he unwrapped one, and threw it at Elwood's back, watching with delight as it exploded on impact, inching it's way over the man's body to wrap him in many layers of silver-gray colored webs. Elwood fell to the floor wriggling and glared wildly at anyone who met his gaze. Laughter burst out in the classroom, and Remus sighed.

Lily patted him on the shoulder. "It's his nature. He feels he had to defend you when something happens."

"But it's not the Professor's fault. I wasn't paying attention." Remus replied.

"Do you think that matters?" The girl asked, raising an eyebrow. "You know Sirius."

"Yeah, I do." Remus replied quietly. He rubbed his eyes.

Lily watched him, a worried look on her face. "Are you all right, Remus? You seem...stretched out or something. Is there something wrong?"

"No, I'm just tired."

"Are things treating you well?" She paused thoughtfully, adding, "How is your girlfriend?"

"Girlfriend?" Remus repeated, startled. "You mean - Ursula?"

James' girlfriend smiled gently. "Yes, I'm talking about Ursula. How are things between you two?"

Remus watched, as Elwood slowly broke free of the decaying Webbing Wonders. "Fine, really. We're just friends, anyway."

"That's not how she sees it." Lily said. "She thinks that you two are an item."

"An item?" Remus again repeated, alarmed. "We go for tea sometimes, and I help her with charms, but that's it... We aren't an item..."

The female Gryffindor gave him an apologetic look. "Then you'd better tell her, because she's calling you her boyfriend."

"_Maudire_..."

"What?"

The professor was now yelling at Sirius, who was cheerfully bearing the brunt, staring up at the professor with his best, 'gee-you-mean-I'm-not-supposed-to-stuff-like-that?' look that he possessed. James was laughing so hard that he was crying, and Remus sighed again.

* * *

[1] I'm trying to sleep.

James: Padfoot...  
Sirius: WHAT?  
James: o.0 Whoa, take it easy... I was only asking if you knew that your cousin **Bellatrix **was named after a star.  
Sirius: She was?  
James: Yup. **Bellatrix **is **Orion's **left shoulder.  
Sirius: Who's feeding everyone information on constellations?  
Me: Do dee do dee dooo....

You know, I was originally supposed to have Andromeda in the last part – in place of Lily – but then I realized that Andromeda is a full two years older than the marauders (according to me). So I had to revise it, much to my great displeasure, because I couldn't come up with a foolproof explanation as to why they were in the same class. I guess I could have changed the class or something, but 5th years generally aren't in advanced classes, and I didn't want to make Andromeda seem less intelligent by putting her in a lower class level. –shrug- Ah well, at least I caught it, right? Cheers!


	7. Love Lives

Chapter Six: Love Lives

* * *

Not mine. Never is, is it? 

Today's chapter features messy love lives and messy bloody dream sequences. No connection, though. Oh. And Sirius in a towel. Holding Remus.

-grin- Most of this chapter was written in the moon-hours, so I blame that. Read on!

Flashbacks are in bold italic.

Welcome, Kelsey, to the USS Puppy Love! (SBxRL supporters). You'll love it here, just as I'm hoping you'll love this next chapter. Cheers!

* * *

_He was swimming in the lake on a bright summer afternoon. Faintly he realized that he was naked, but the knowledge didn't serve to unnerve him. The water swirled pleasantly around him, warm and fluid – he felt as if the lake was protecting him. Time dragged and for a moment it was perfection. _

_Only for a moment. _

_Teeth latched onto his left thigh and pulled him beneath the water. His first instinct was to scream, but since the bite, survival instinct was automatically acted on. He held his breath clawing at the suddenly murky water as he was dragged further and further down… Bubbles rose around him and the teeth left his flesh; before him floated a large, very blurry blot of fur. He could see the gold sight of the wolf – he could recognize it even though the water was filling with color – with his blood. _

_The wolf snarled in the liquid, ghosting around him as he shot to the surface of the lake. The animal surfaced with him, treading water and laughing in a wolf-like manner. He couldn't breathe…he couldn't see anything but the golden eyes and the crimson waters…couldn't taste anything but his own fear and the copper liquid on his tongue…couldn't think of anything but the dark scarlet waves threatening to swallow him up…_

Remus screamed as he woke, thinking the blood of his dream had somehow leaked into reality. There was red – so much red; the curtains, the sheets, even the air around him! _The blood! Why the blood?_ He screamed and screamed again, thrashing about in the small confinement of the closed off bed. His fingers sunk into the thick fabric of the drapes, and he pulled on them, his unnatural strength tearing them easily from their anchors on the top of the bed. Remus screamed a fourth time as they landed on him, heavy and suffocating. He clawed at the material, mind black with fear and terrified frenzy.

"Remus!"

Someone was pulling the heavy drapes off of him, pushing though them to get to him. Sirius' face popped into view, eyes wide and hair bubbly with soap. Somewhere, a vague part of Remus knew that Sirius had come running from the boys baths – there was a towel around his waist, hastily wrapped.

"The blood!" Remus screeched, and the vague voice of serenity and reason fled. He fought against Sirius with fists and feet. "It surrounds me!"

"Blood?' Sirius repeated in an urgent panic, "What are you tal-"

The young werewolf rubbed against Sirius hard, turning his head into the familiar chest like a cat would. "It fills my head – tempting and seeping into my mind! Make it go away!"

Seeing Remus's terrified glances at the fallen curtains and the sheets that were shoved into one corner of the bed, Sirius tried to stand up. Remus made a noise that sounded disturbingly like a whine, and wrapped his arms around Sirius' torso, preventing him from moving anywhere. Sirius made an exasperated sound, leaning backwards to reach across the gap between his bed and Remus'. One hand was firmly clenched around the towel, though the fabric had ridden up anyway, a while ago.

"_Please_," Remus whimpered, burying his lips into Sirius' collarbone and talking into his soapy skin. "Please make it go away…"

"_Latinum!"_

Remus gasped as the blood faded away, blue filling the curtains and sheets. Sirius wrapped himself around Remus, cradling him in his arms like he were a child. Through the damp strands of Sirius' hair, Remus watched anything red in the dorm flood with pigment, and turn blue – the beds, the paintings, the carpets – even James' Quidditch robes, hanging nicely on a hook in the wall. Remus gave one last gasp and fell limp, emotionally drained. Sirius grunted and shifted his position.

"Moony – you all right?"

Remus exhaled noisily as he subconsciously ran shaking fingers down Sirius' bicep. He repeated the motion again and again, as if he were trying to soothe both himself and Sirius. The barely-clothed boy shuddered and pressed his face into Remus' hair. They sat like that for a long, tense moment, looking for a level of calm that seemed so far away.

"Gentlemen!" James burst into the room, causing Remus and Sirius to leap apart. Sirius made a sound that sounded suspiciously like a yelp and snatched a pair of jeans off of his night table. The seeker didn't even notice, and stepped over Sirius as the half-naked boy hastily pulled the pants up around his hips. The towel fell to the floor as James paced the space at the foot of Peter's bed.

"I have a problem," He stated loudly. "It seems that Lily is under the impression that I am a bit insensitive." He leaned over the two boys, hands planted firmly on hips. "Am I insensitive?" Remus and Sirius stared up at him, watching James tap his foot in the navy bed curtain on the floor. "She said I'm unobservant and self centered! Am I unobservant and self centered?" Behind him, a chair fell over, sending a pile of blue Gryffindor scarves to the floor. "Well? Am I?"

Remus rubbed his eyes, still trembling. Finding his voice, he said in a quavering tone, "No, James… Of course not…"

James opened his mouth to respond, but suddenly stopped, peering curiously at Remus. "Are you okay?" He asked, glancing at Sirius suspiciously.

The door to the dorm swung open again and there was a loud gasp, "…What happened in here?" Peter stood aghast on the threshold into the dorm.

This finally caused James to take notice of the room, "Good Godric!" He said, eyes widening as he saw the messy blue state of everything. "What in the name of Quidditch happened in here?"

"Bad dreams," Remus muttered, noting that James' snitch was fluttering around near the window. Fortunately enough, the small gold ball had somehow escaped the spell that Sirius had cast.

"Well," James decided, nudging the curtain on the floor. "Always wanted a change of décor anyway…but blue?" Sirius shrugged at him. "Ah well, better than Slytherin green, right? Blue's okay."

"Er…" Sirius strategically stepped to his left, putting two beds and a trunk between himself and James. "Then I wouldn't suggest turning around..."

Naturally, James did. "Why, what could you have - MY QUIDDITCH UNIFORM!"

"Now, James, let's not be—"

"C'MERE!"

"Ack!"

* * *

"You're breaking up with me?" 

Remus sighed and shook his head. "See, that's the thing, Ursula… We were never together."

"What are you saying?" She said, eyes starting to tear. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Though his tactic of facing Ursula after a traumatic experience had worked the last time, Remus had come to the conclusion that it had been a freak accident of luck. The pretty Ravenclaw was sitting across from him at the Gryffindor Table, dressed in robes as blue as James' Quidditch uniform. She had been ecstatic to be invited to sit with him before breakfast, but that enthusiasm quickly turned to dismay when she realized the nature of the meeting.

"I was…never under the impression that we were dating," Remus said, mentally wincing as a single tear made its way down the girl's flawless cheek. He prepared himself to say the words of doom. "I've always considered you my friend, Ursula, but…nothing more."

Steeling himself for the reaction, Remus waited. Ursula simply stared at him, face screwing up in a crushed look. She let out one sob and fled from the table, running out of the Great Hall. Her friends at the next table over either glared darkly at him or gave him a shocked look. They soon stood up and followed her out of the hall.

"I must be the worst person in the world," Remus muttered to the tabletop.

"Could you tell Lily that, because she's under the impression that it's me." James plunked down in the previously vacated spot, and rested his head in his hands, his elbows on the table.

"Still no luck with her?"

"She called me a self absorbed, high-minded, egotistical glory-seeker."

"No, huh?"

"No."

"What'd you do to make her so angry, in the first place?"

"I cancelled a date because I lost track of my snitch."

"And what'd she say?"

"That the snitch wasn't the only thing that I'd lost that afternoon."

"Ouch."

"Yeah. Then she said she needed a break and that I needed to get my priorities in check."

"Oh?"

"Yeah."

"So she's…making you choose between her and Quidditch?"

James poked at the table with one finger, "Yeah," He said unhappily, "I think she is."

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know," James said. "I really like her, but I don't want to have to choose between her and Quidditch. The sport's all I've dreamed about since before I came to Hogwarts." He stretched. "I know I asked you the same thing this morning, but… Am I really all she says she is?"

James stared seriously at him, and Remus was granted a brief, rare look at James' insecure side. Until that moment, the russet-haired boy wasn't sure it even existed. The proud self assured face that James had on the pitch followed the seeker everywhere he went, in everything he did and everything he said.

"Maybe a little," Remus said with a cringe, "But that's who you are. I'd be afraid if you didn't have the Potter Ego trip every so often."

"I'm not self-absorbed," James grumbled. He propped himself in a sitting position, satisfied that Remus was on his side. "So maybe I don't notice things like new hair clips and stuff. Besides, when I look at Lily, that's not what I'm looking at. I just wanna see _her_, you know?" James flushed self consciously, as if realizing what he just said.

"You should tell her that." Remus said.

"I did. She called me a slob," James frowned and snatched a roll off of one of the wicker baskets on the table. Slowly the food was appearing, and students were filling in from their dorms and pre-lunch classes. "I think she got the wrong idea…"

"Well…tell you what," Remus poured himself a cup of pumpkin juice. "I'll talk to her, see if I can't get her to lighten up a little. But you've got to start treating her nicer."

"I do!"

"And don't make her feel like she's number two in your life."

"I don't!"

"You do, Prongs. Not on purpose, but you do. Make her feel special."

James crossed his arms as his plate appeared, looking for the entire world like he was pouting.

* * *

"Hey, Lily! Hang on!" Remus jogged down the corridor and through a throng of arguing fourth years to catch up with the redhead. She turned around and waved brightly to Remus. Lunch had finished ten minutes ago, and there were only three classes left in the day. Lily and Remus shared the next class together – a double Arithmancy. 

"Remus, I heard about Ursula," Lily said apologetically. "Painful break up, eh?"

"Yeah," Remus said, breathless, "I don't know how Sirius does it."

"I don't think anyone does," Lily said, and they both laughed.

The werewolf allowed the girl to pass through the next doorway ahead of him, saying, "Speaking of romantic relationships—"

Remus jerked back as Lily suddenly spun on him, a fire blazing in her gaze to match her hair. "Did James send you to patch things up between us, instead of thinking about what I said to him? Did he?"

"Er…he told me about it," Remus said carefully, "But I'm asking you about it of my own free will."

Lily made a sound that was close to a growl and they started down the hall again. She adjusted on of the clasps on her robe. "It's just so hard to be in a relationship with him, sometimes… I mean, I really like him and everything, but there are times where he's just so – ugh!" She stomped on the castle carpet, spinning to face Remus again. "He's the most self-centered, spasmodic-goaled, infuriating, Quidditch-obsessed boy that I've ever met and I there are times when I just want to slap him across the head and leave him, but…" She sighed, "At the same time, he can be this honest, loving, spontaneous, softhearted kid that I just love so much." She sighed again. "What am I going to do, Remus?"

The both of them entered the Arithmancy classroom and went to their usual table at the back. After placing out his books and setting his bottle of ink on the tabletop, Remus thoughtfully turned back to Lily. "I won't argue that he's all those things that you said he is, but that's James for you. You've known that since you first saw him, and you've known that since the first time that you finally said yes when you asked him out. Do you really want James to change?"

Lily played with her eagle quill, turning it back and forth in her hands. "Maybe just a little. Not a lot!"

Remus shook his head, "You do know that if you ask James to do that – even if it's 'just a little', he's going to go and take it to the opposite extreme, right? He'll become so focused on one goal that he'll be absorbed in it nonstop. He'll be completely and entirely devoted to you, and how you're dong and where you're going and whom you're talking to and so on… Do you really want James Potter zoomed in on you all the time?"

"Good God, no!" Lily said. "But I don't want to be second to his snitch, either, Remus."

"No, I can imagine not," Remus said. "But I have a feeling that he's going to try and prove himself to you. Will you give him a second chance?"

Lily shot an irritated look at Remus, thinking about her response. "I…guess…" She said reluctantly. She briefly shook her head and slapped her quill to the table with a snap. "But if he doesn't shape up after this, I _swear…"_

What she would do was never revealed, as Professor Vector closed the classroom door and signaled for them to open their books. "Please begin with the practice problems on the board, then start on the theory questions in your text," he said. There was the clink of bottles and the shuffle of papers that echoed in the room, and everyone set about the day's work.

* * *

**_He was all in fur and fang – when he tried to speak, a snarl forced itself through his throat. He could taste the copper sliding around his mouth, could smell the disgustingly familiar metal saturated in the air. The trees leered over him as if they were watching him eat, and he threw back his head to howl delightfully._ **

****

**_'Moony.' Padfoot brushed up against him, dark nose wrinkling at the bloody mess in the grass. 'We have to go back to the shack.'_**

****

**_He whined, skipping backwards into the dark shadow of the rocks. 'Not yet, Padfoot – I don't want to go back to sleep just yet.'_**

****

**_He didn't see him, but Prongs snorted and said, "You have to, Moony. Are you ready?'_**

****

**_'No.'_**

****

**_'Come on, Moony,' Wormtail squeaked, whiskers twitching quickly. 'We'll see you again next month,'_**

****

**_'No.' He said firmly, backing up under the rock face, 'whenever I'm in there I sleep and I don't wake up until the moon shines again. I don't want to this time. I'm going to stay out here.'_**

****

**_'You can't do that, Moony," Prongs said patiently. 'Now, come out so we can go back.'_**

****

**_'I won't.' He swiped at Padfoot as the large dog tried to crawl under the rocks with him. 'I will not sleep.' There was another long scrabble of claws as Padfoot tried again. _**

****

**_'It's no use,' Padfoot said quietly to Prongs. 'He's not going to come out.'_**

****

**_'We'll wait then.' Prongs said, 'We aren't that far away, anyway – we can carry him back.'_**

****

**_Wormtail scurried to Prongs' hoof and said, 'is that a good idea?'_**

****

**_'It's the best we have,' Prongs said. 'We'll just hurry back, that's all.'_**

****

**_He snorted and settled back. Silly Prongs – he would wait forever if it meant not sleeping again. He hated sleeping. Maybe if he didn't sleep, he could break out and get something nice and warm and juicy and- _**

****

**_Something was wrong. He growled out loud. _**

****

**_'Moony?' Padfoot called out to him._**

****

**_He didn't bother answering. There was something moving inside him – something was waking up. 'NO! Not yet!' His shoulders rolled and fur rippled, sliding away. Everything was changing – his body was shrinking, being put back into that smooth, small body of the boychild… Teeth were disappearing and a loud growl turned into a soft moan of pain…_**

****

**_'He's turning back!' Wormtail exclaimed. He could see the little rat out of the corner of his eye, nervously pacing – he was the only one of his pack who could see him. _**

****

_**His haunches…they were bending in weird ways – the back legs were bending the opposite way… No more claws…he was starting to fade away…how? How when he wasn't in the shack… He was falling deep into the sleep, deep, deep, deep… His eyes closed once and then…**_

Remus opened his eyes, a peaceful smile on his face. Without thinking about it, he licked his lips and sniffed the air around him. Of course, though, he wasn't the wolf, and it wasn't near the full moon, so he could only smell the dust stirred by his violent dream earlier that day, and something along the lines of chocolate…and mint, but not mint chocolate.

"Sirius?"

"Er…you missed dinner."

Remus sat up, adjusting the clasps on his robe. He must have fallen asleep when he came upstairs to drop his books off. _Shouldn't have sat on the bed…_ He glanced at Sirius, who was perched on the end of the mattress, clutching a small rectangle of tin foil in one hand. "They serve chocolate at dinner, now?" Remus reached over to take the shining package. Sirius gave it up willingly, catching the other Gryffindor's hand for a moment.

"Are you okay?" He asked, his gray eyes curtained with worry. "It looked like you were dreaming again."

Remus bit into the softened chocolate and absently smiled. "I'm fine. Thank you." He glanced at the dark-haired boy, pausing. "Sorry for freaking out on you this morning. I don't usually continue the nightmare after I wake up…"

Sirius lifted his hand as if he were going to reach out to him, but stopped. Instead he pulled a letter out of his pocket and handed it to Remus. "It came for you at dinner," he explained, subtly changing the subject.

Remus opened it.

Dear Remus,  
Despite our breakup, I will not reveal your 'condition' to anyone. I do not hate you for what has happened – perhaps I was not clear enough in my intentions. I wish there could be something between us, but it is clear that there cannot.  
I spoke to Sirius again, and I will say this once more to you; he is very protective of you and loves you very much…  
I wish you all the best, Remus Lupin.  
Sincerely, Ursula.

Remus closed the letter and set it on his nightstand. "Well," he said out loud, "Ursula won't be telling my secret."

Sirius nodded. "Good."

Remus leaned against his navy pillows and scrutinized Sirius for a moment. The other boy shifted on the bed, uncomfortable under his friend's blatant examination. Taking a trick from James' book, Remus narrowed his eyes and stared harder.

"I feel I owe you an explanation," Sirius blurted.

Satisfied with his results, Remus shook his head and wrapped his chocolate up. "No, you don't."

Sirius explained anyway, just as Remus knew he would. "It was last year – in May. Kinda flingy."

"Sirius…"

"Lasted a week. She asked why you were sick all the time and I panicked."

"Padfoot, please," Remus waved a hand at him. "You don't have to explain. I understand."

The boy continued again, as if he hadn't said anything. "I didn't want her to find out."

Remus sighed and leaned over the side of the bed, dragging out a box. "She did anyway; it's okay. I don't blame you. She's a smart girl." He put the chocolate into the box, alongside a couple of other wrapped bits of tinfoil, and closed it again. He shoved it under the bed and heaved himself back up, facing Sirius.

"Moony…"

"She only did what the marauders did and put the pieces together." Remus reached between them and rested a hand on Sirius' shoulder, smiling gently. "Thank you for wanting to protect me. I appreciate it." That said, he stood and grabbed his charms textbook, collapsing in the chair by the window while he flipped to the chapter he was currently on. Sirius rubbed the back of his neck, feeling quite unsettled for some reason, and left to play Gobstones with the boys in third year.

* * *

Dumbledore: Hello, Sirius.  
Sirius: Hi, Professor Dumbledore.  
Dumbledore: Do you know what I heard at breakfast this morning?  
Sirius: -wary- No. What?  
Dumbledore: That there was a star in the **Leo Major** constellation, the star that represents Leo's front paw, called **Regulus**.  
Sirius: O.O  
Dumbledore: Don't you have a brother by that name?  
Sirius: -runs away, screaming-  
Dumbledore: …Of course, I could be wrong… 

I quite enjoyed writing this chapter. It's very…well, it moves very nicely. I like the flow of it. It's dark without being dark, you know?

Oh, and I've started a French class this semester! I'm so happy! I don't get a credit for it, but at least I'll learn something, right? It's great – it'll help me write this! (Woo!)

Cheers and snitches, OV

* * *


	8. Displays of Affection

Chapter Seven: Displays of Affection

* * *

Bold italics means flashbacks.

Italics with single quotes mean Animagi dialogue.

Someone (sorry, I don't recall your name…) noted that James was the one to come up with the idea of the marauders map. –shrugs- I don't know. Maybe. For the purposes of my story, I made it Sirius. Thanks, though, for bringing that up. I'll look into it one day.

Also, I'm going to separate scenes with the phrase '_et puis_,' meaning 'and then,' because when I edit in my original separations are missing and I often skip over them.

* * *

"I, JAMES G. POTTER, HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE." James stood on the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall, his beloved broom in hand. It was shortly after dinner had officially finished, and the professors had already left. Waiting until he had the attention of everyone remaining in the room, he cleared his throat and continued. "IN LIGHT OF A PREVIOUS EVENT THAT OCCURRED PREVIOUSLY, I AM MAKING A PUBLIC APOLOGY TO ONE LILY F. EVANS."

Remus reached for the pitcher of pumpkin juice near James' shoe and poured himself a cup. After, he set it down on the opposite side of the table. Lily was muttering under her breath, blushing furiously with her arms crossed. Peter simply watched while Sirius' expression was one of slowly dawning horror. Whatever the dark-haired marauder knew that Remus didn't, was anyone's guess, but it seemed that he was the only one who was taken aback by the demonstration.

"He's actually going to do it," Sirius said numbly, buttering his soup absently. "I can't believe it." James shot him a look that shut him up.

"THOUGH I CAN'T APOLOGISE ENOUGH FOR BEING INSENSITIVE TO HER NEEDS AND FOR BEING A LITTLE SELF-CENTERED, I HOPE THIS WILL BE ENOUGH PROOF THAT I AM SORRY AND WILL TRY TO AMEND THESE TRAITS."

Sirius had stopped watching; something that was quite the opposite of everyone else in the hall. "Hesgonnadoithesgonnadoithesgonnadoit!" He babbled. Remus and Peter clamped their hands over Sirius' mouth just as he was shouting, 'no - she's not worth it, Prongs!'

The entire hall watched with fixated fascination as Quidditch Captain James G. Potter lifted his broom, recited the personalized spell that removed the magic from it, pulled out a lighter, and set fire to the sparkling Skylark 380.

There was a collective gasp from the students – Quidditch players and people who knew James, alike – as they watched James watch his broom fall to cinders. The ashes fell onto the table, covering the food and drinks in the area.

"I THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME," James stepped down from the table and looked directly at Lily. "I'm sorry, Lily. Please forgive me." He brushed off the ash from his hands and left the hall. Lily stared after him, completely in shock, and dipped her broccoli in her ketchup.

"He actually did it," Lily said, stunned.

"I know," Sirius said, utterly gobsmacked.

-et puis-

For Sirius' birthday James was planning something big and impressive, which Remus didn't want to know about till the last moment when his prefect duties were of little use to him. Instead he took a trip down Hogsmeade to buy something for Sirius. Looking in the windows, he thought about each item and then rejected them for various reasons.

Socks. No. Boring.

Jewelry. No. Too regular.

Shirt. No. He's got weird tastes lately.

A book? …right. A book. For Sirius. Ha.

A dusty old shop tucked between the doors of its neighboring stores caught Remus' eye as he wandered past. He stopped, examining the contents of the window with a glimmer in his eye. It reminded him of a Muggle Studies Class that he had with Sirius a few weeks back…

**_Sirius was examining the pictures in the textbook with extreme curiosity, shoving the pages in front of Remus whenever he found something particularly interesting. He had been fascinated with the toaster until Remus explained that one did not present bread as an offering to the appliance and receive toast in return, but rather that the machine simply toasted the bread to make toast. _**

**"Well, what fun is that?" Sirius grumbled, flipping through the chapter and looking at the pictures in the next unit. His eyes grew wide, and his mouth fell open a little, as he stared at the brilliant photography on the page. He shoved it at Remus, grinning stupidly, babbling, "Look. At. That. Merlin's socks, I want one!"**

**_Remus examined it briefly, reading the caption at the bottom. "It's a motorbike, Sirius."_**

**_"It's beautiful," Sirius purred, touching the picture with his fingertips. "Does it fly?"_**

**_"No, Sirius. It doesn't."_**

**_"I bet I could charm it so that-"_**

"No, you couldn't." Remus hurried to head off this train of thought, not liking where it was heading. "The machine's too big to be held up by one spell alone – you'd have to take it apart and charm every piece before the entire thing could be made airborne," Remus saw a familiar look rise in Sirius' expression. "Sirius, you—"

**_"I'll make it work, one day." Sirius turned loving eyes away from the motorbike on the page, winking at Remus. "And when I do, you'll be the first to ride it with me."_**

**_Remus sputtered for a moment, touched and horrified at the idea. "Sirius—"_**

**_"Just you wait, Moony," Sirius turned his attention back to the picture. "It will be great."_**

Remus smiled, pushing open the door to the shop. "It'll be great," he murmured. If you couldn't distract Sirius from something, you could only make sure he didn't somehow kill himself in the process.

-et puis-

Sirius' owl was sleeping on the stand, hooting faintly in the weak rays of the moonlight. The poor bird had brought a large amount of mail from Sirius' other admirers that morning, and parcels from various family members as well. Sitting in a pile on the floor was a set of black and silver dress robes from Sirius' mother and father, and a rather hefty book about manners and etiquette from his aunt and uncle (parents to the three Black sisters). An obligatory gift, that was a silver watch, came from Bellatrix and Narcissa; Sirius had growled at it and promptly tossed it out the window. A parcel from Sirius' brother had been brought in by an Eton owl and contained a spelled quill that didn't need ink – it wrote on paper in green without dipping it into a well. Andromeda had popped into the dorm to present him with a rather intricate and difficultly braided platinum-thread hairpiece. It was fourteen inches long and curled around Sirius' hair twice. Andromeda told him that it was from a Quidditch shop, and that it was supposed to keep his hair out of his face. Sirius grinned, put it in his hair and was once more reminded why Andromeda was his favorite cousin.

As it was a James Potter tradition, each year he would give a new nickname to each of the marauders on their birthday. The first year name for Sirius was Mister Black. Second it was Sibak (James decided to get creative and mush his name together). Third was Padfoot. Fourth was Snuffles (a codename for his animagi form, though he didn't need one). And this year, the fifth year, was Pads. Because sometimes you just don't have the time to say the second syllable in Padfoot.

"Pads, Pads, Pads," James sang loudly, dumping letters onto Sirius' bed. "I would serenade you, but my rhyming is so baaaad."

"So's your singing," Sirius noted, shifting through his birthday mail carefully. The glitter from the cards was spreading over his sheets, and the knees of his leather pants.

"Better than yours," James replied. He fished out a bright purple envelope with sparkly orange glitter. "Open this one!"

Sirius read it aloud,

"Sirius Black, with hair so long

For your birthday I compose a song

You glittering eyes, they glitter so truuuuue.

Go out with me, and I'll glitter tooooo."

James made a face, "Ew…that was gushy. Next one!"

"Sirius, Sirius, Siriusly

It's your birthday – you're now sixteen

You've grown so tall

You've been so nice

You're better than Fall

When you skate on ice."

"Pads," James observed, "that didn't even make sense."

Sirius shrugged, "Hey – I didn't write it. Oh, here's another." He held up a plain envelope with his name written neatly on the front.

"Oh, almost didn't see that." The seeker squinted at it, reaching out to brush off the clinging glitter from the other cards. "It's not sparkly and colorful like the others."

"Good. Maybe it's a normal type card."

"Well? Open it!"

Sirius scanned it curiously first, and then became motionless as he read it through. James made to grab for it, but Sirius pulled away and rose from the bed. He read it through twice then stopped in front of the mirror. Looking absently into the reflective glass, Sirius smiled lightly.

James snatched the letter from him and read it out loud.

"I have dreamed so intensely of you,

Walked so much, spoken so much,

Loved your shadow so much that

Nothing more remains to me of you.

It remains for me to be the shadow among shadows,

To be a hundred times more shadow than the shadow,

To be the shadow which will come and come again

Into your sunny life."

James skipped down the rest of the otherwise-blank manila page and read the closing, "'My present is at the Moon's Tree at a quarter past nine. Happy Birthday, dear Sirius.'" The seeker paused thoughtfully, tapping the letter against the side of his chin. "It's not signed," he noticed. He looked at his best friend curiously. "Pads – you're blushing?"

"It doesn't have to be signed." He touched his reflection in the mirror's glass, as if he had never seen himself blush before. "It's from Remus," Sirius said, his tone strangely breathless, "I can't believe that he wrote that for me…" Sirius turned, seized back his letter, and read it again. "Damn, it's almost nine…" He folded it and stuck it back into the envelope it had come in. He swept all the other letters onto the floor with the presents from his family, and pulled the dress robes out of the mess. Sirius put the letter into a drawer in his night table and examined the robes critically.

"Are you sure that it's from Moony?" James asked softly, watching his friend with great amusement. Sirius pointed his wand at the ruff around the collar and it severed itself from the rest of the robe. He tore the silver buttons off and tossed them out of the window to join the watch. He quickly transfigured a set of Black family heirloom opals into clasps that attached to the robe.

"Of course it's from Moony," Sirius said. He waved his hand at the sleeve and the fabric sliced to the elbow. Another wave gave the rip an embroidered blue hem, and two more did the same to the other sleeve. Sirius added a matching blue embroidered swirl on either side of the neck, dripping to the first clasp and down the back of the robe. "Hah," he said, admiring his handiwork on the once-boring robe.

James shook his head and leaned on Sirius' shoulder. "But really, what makes you think that it's from Remus?'

Sirius shook out the robe and examined it critically, "You mean besides the fact it's in his handwriting?" He shook off the seeker and shrugged into the long robe. He fastened the opal clasps. "It talked of the Moon's Tree." The Moon's Tree was the name the marauders had given to the great gangly tree in the Forbidden Forest that the wolf always, for some random reason, seemed to make a point of visiting at some time during the full moon. "C'mon, Prongs. Who else would it be?"

James darkened one of Remus' remaining ripped curtains, spelling it so that it was smaller and that it was hemmed properly. He picked up the black clasps that were usually reserved for keeping a bandage around one of his various Quidditch injuries and fastened the curtain around Sirius' belly and waist like a sash. "There. All spiffy for Moony."

"So you agree, then?"

"It's in his handwriting, isn't it?" James said wryly. He shook his head. "Geez, Padfoot."

Sirius gave him a look, "Stuff it, Prongs."

"Trussed up to please the lover, are you?"

"Don't you talk!" Sirius shoved James into the pile of glittery envelopes, "I saw you put on your good shoes – Lily took you back, didn't she?"

"Can't a man wear his clean shoes?"

"She did - didn't she!"

James flailed about, getting up, and scattering bright sparkles. "So? She's a gorgeous and forgiving woman!"

"I knew it!"

James pushed him towards the dorm door. "Go! It's five past nine, you great git!"

Sirius grinned at him and stopped at the door. "If you get a chance, come down and see what he got me, 'kay?"

"Fine, fine, get out of here, you flowery wanker."

"I am not!"

"What – flowery or a wanker?"

-et puis-

In the sparse light of the two lanterns the boys had brought, an unfinished motorbike was propped against the trunk of the Moon's Tree. The skeleton was polished and missing pieces, and the wheels were without air. It was a mess, honestly, but it was a start. Remus waited anxiously for his friend to say something.

"Beautiful…" Sirius said softly.

Remus shrugged, "Well, it's just the skeleton, really, but it'll be 'beautiful' after you finish it."

"Yes, but…" Sirius said in that same soft tone. He turned to Remus. "I meant you."

"Tease," Remus murmured, at a loss for any other response. He scribbled nonsense in the dirt with the toe of his shoe.

"Remus…about the poem…"

"Horrible, I know." Remus cut him off as Sirius moved toward him. _I knew I should have just written a letter… _

"It was brilliant." Sirius said abruptly. "Really. I loved it."

At a loss for something to say, again, Remus responded with, "Flatterer."

Sirius embraced Remus warmly, pulling the other boy close to him. He rested his head against the shorter one's, and carefully ran his fingers through the tousled russet hair. "I can't believe…" He stuttered to a stop and then tried again. "How could you afford--?"

Remus made a dismissing sound, biting his lower lip in concealed nervousness. "Not too pricey, I'll admit. The mechanic said it was a piece of junk. Practically gave it to me."

Sirius nodded, but judging from the condition of most of the parts, Remus was lying. He decided to let it pass. "Thank you," he said quietly. He paused for a heartbeat. "Remus…I lo--"

"PADS! MOONY!" James' voice echoed in the trees and made Remus involuntarily jerk. Sirius' mouth brushed across Remus' jaw, and they both stilled. Off in the trees, James was whistling, but they didn't seem to notice anymore.

"Remus," Sirius tried to say quickly, "I want you to know that I-"

"Oh! Is that a motorauto or whatever?" James popped out of the bushes and immediately spotted the motorbike. He examined it thoughtfully while Sirius sighed into Remus' shirt collar. He withdrew from the shorter marauder, who was blankly staring at a spot somewhere random while he blushed terribly.

"Sorry," Sirius explained, "but Prongs was there when I read the card… I kinda regret inviting him to see my present-"

"How the hell do you expect to ride this thing?" James demanded to know, back still turned, "There's metal sticking out all over the place!"

Sirius ran his fingers through Remus' hair briefly in an affectionate manner, and went over to where James was poking the motorbike's engine. "Don't touch that!"

-et puis-

Easter holidays swept up on the Marauders, seeing their transition from the halls of Hogwarts to the comfortable rooms of the Potter place in Godric's Hallow. Before they left, they played one more prank on Snape and Lucius, which was arranged entirely by James, as a sort of gift to Sirius. There was a lot of Easter eggs involved, as well as one rather large, chocolate, magicked bunny rabbit.

On the night of the full moon, the four boys moved from the Potter's house to a small cabin in the woods, away from the small community. James told his parents that they wanted to 'rough it in the woods' at least once, and Mr. & Mrs. Potter bore no objection to the idea. Their only bywords for their son was – as it always was- 'don't do anything stupid.'

James looked out the dusty cabin window, hands in his pockets. "Well, gentlemen. I'd like to take a flight before the moon rises. How about you?"

"But…" Peter said in a confused tone, "You burned...your broom…"

James nodded, expression tinted with remote regret. "Yes, I did do that, didn't I?"

"Memory lapse," Sirius whispered to Remus, from his place near the door, "happens a lot with people who experience a traumatic episode."

"Seems to me," Remus whispered back, "that you were more traumatized by it than he was."

James ignored their whisperings as he dug in a trunk that was under the window. Turning around with a dramatic flair, he opened a long narrow case, to reveal a long narrow broom. It was engraved on the handle with the lettering, 'Mercury 316' in blue detail.

Sirius gaped at him, slowly standing. "But – how?"

"Grandmum bought it for me for Easter," James said with a grin.

"I THOUGHT YOU BURNED-BURNED IT, YOU WANKER!" Sirius roared suddenly, a slight twitch in his cheek. "You were talking about doing it and all along you had another broom wrapped up in nice paper somewhere!"

James raised his hands in a gesture of truce. "Padfoot, please, I got this afterwards… I didn't know I was getting another broom."

Jerking to a standstill, Sirius sent him a suspicious glare. "Really?"

"Really," James said firmly, admiring his new broom. "I meant what I said in the hall. This just makes the whole episode hurt a little less."

Remus raised an eyebrow, "Only a little less?"

The seeker shot him a pained look, "It was a Skylark 280, Moony, not some twig for sweeping… I mean, really…"

The boys went on an elaborate – albeit short – jaunt on the shiny new Mercury model, zooming through the trees and back to the cabin. After, they hiked deeper in the forest to where a large rock face was perched among narrow cliff sides.

The Animagi boys waited outside the cave that they had earlier found, transformed and waiting for the wolf to exit into the forest. For a reason that Peter and James didn't understand, Remus wanted to be alone while he transformed. Not even Sirius watched, and the tall, dark boy had glared at anyone who tried to ask why.

They waited for a little while, uncontiously staring up into the sky. When they heard the quiet sobbing and a single loud scream, the three instantly slipped into their other forms. They then heard a low snuffling sound, and the wolf emerged slowly from the cave.

'_Does he look different to anyone else?'_ Peter flitted about nervously, skittering around James' legs. _'I don't like this, lads…'_

Padfoot moved forward to sniff the wolf. Peter was right. He was larger, longer, and wound more tightly than he had been the previous moon.

It happened quickly, without warning, and Moony was tearing through the trees towards the row of houses.

'_Moony!'_ Prongs cried, dashing in front of the lean werewolf. '_Not that way!'_

Moony snarled without words and tried to get around him. Prongs blocked him.

_'NO! Moony – you can't!'_

Again there was only a glutteral reply.

It took the boys a long struggle, but they got the wolf cornered in a small area of rock. They stayed there for the night, wrestling and play fighting. When the morning came, the change came with it, dragging the wolf back into the subconscious of the young wizard boy.

Remus let out a sob and Padfoot shimmered back into Sirius before the fur had even fully left Remus' body. He caught the writhing boy as he fell, and swiftly pulled off his robe and wrapped it around Remus.

"Shh," Sirius said soothingly, bending to pick up Remus. He swayed under the full weight of another person for a moment, but shook his head at an offer of help from James. It took a second for them to realize that Remus was muttering something repeatedly, sobbing.

"Please…into the trees…into the trees…"

* * *

The poem that Remus wrote is actually a translation of a French poem by Robert Desnos. It's missing the accents and such, but here's the actual French version:

Le Dernier Poeme (The Last Poem)

J'ai reve tellement fort de toi,

J'ai tellement marche, tellement parle,

Tellement aime ton ombre,

Qu'il ne me reste plus rien de toi.

Il me reste d'etre l'ombre parmi les ombres

D'etre cent foir plus ombre que l'ombre

D'etre l'ombre qui viendra et reviendra

Dans ta vie ensoleillee.


	9. A Change

Chapter Eight: A Change

* * *

Jason Issacs (the man who played Lucius Malfoy in the movies) stars in a Peter Pan movie as both Mr. Darling and Captain Hook. –snort- There's a deleted scene on the dvd where Mr. Darling is 'punishing himself' for losing the children or something by sleeping and working in the doghouse. Mrs. Darling makes this comment on how she thinks that he's starting to enjoy it. -guffaws- It's hilarious, because I tend to write Lucius as a masochist, and just hearing that being repeated by Lucius' actor… Oh goodness, it's great. But anyway… Off you go!

This chapter gets a little…intimate. Reminder on the boyxboy. Enjoy.

French – bold

* * *

Peter burst into the dorm with that same maniac grin that Remus had seen too often on James' face. He went over to the table where the seeker and Sirius were arguing about getting around cloaking spells and other items with the map, and slapped a piece of parchment on the tabletop.

"_Aperio atrium_?" James read aloud. He looked at the panting marauder. "What's this?"

Peter looked pleased with himself. "It took me two long hours and the next three Wednesday afternoons, but I got that portrait on the main floor to give me the password to the secret passage in the back of the broom closet."

"Brilliant, Pete! Just brilliant! Gave her some of that Pettigrew charm, did you?" Sirius clapped a hand to the shorter boy's shoulder, and turned to grin at Remus. "Isn't it brilliant?"

Remus nodded, tearing off a piece of his parchment roll. "Yes, bloody brilliant. I'm going to the owlery." After sending a congratulatory smile at Peter, he left, rushing uncharacteristically out of the room and to the tower in the east end of the castle.

Easter break had particularly disturbed him, not so much because that his friends had lied about it, but that he had vividly felt the truth of the dreams even into the waking world. Another close call. This time, however, James and Sirius had had trouble keeping it that way.

**'Dear Rom, **

**I hate to write to you with dark news, especially on our day, but I cannot help it. Since the last moon, I feel this…urge… My senses are sharper than they should be, even more so than usual, and I find my dreams plagued of bloody gory scenes. And the thing is, even though half the time I wake from it screaming, the other half I find myself waking from it with a smile on my face. I thought I had this under control, Rom. Why is this happening now? I think that the wolf is bleeding into my personality… Should I go to Dumbledore? Maybe I'm not safe anymore… I don't want to leave here, brother. What should I do? And please…don't mention this to Mother and Father.**

**Happy birthday - love, Remus'**

Remus attached the letter to the leg of one of the school student-use owls with shaking hands. Attached to it was a birthday present for his twin; an extensive book on magicking statues that he had picked up in Hogsmeade, and what was mysteriously called a 'surprise pack' from the rest of the marauders. The owl flew off, slightly dragging under the weight of the packages.

Remus rubbed his eyes. He didn't feel like himself and it wasn't even near the full moon. He kept telling himself that it was just an aftereffect, but… He hadn't had any before... Why start now? Did it have anything to do with his sixteenth birthday coming up in the next week? What was it? What if there was something…wrong…?

He mulled over sluggish and slightly depressing thoughts while on his way to class. Professor Fervioli, the Care of Magical Creatures teacher, was sitting on her desk with a giant cage beside her, when the fifth year Gryffindors and Slytherins came into the class after first bells. Remus slid into a desk near the back, trying to smile at James when he passed by him. Despite all of the Seeker's reassurances, Remus knew that it had been his fault. Surely, if the Potters had been killed, then James would have been less forgiving…

Sirius took a seat between Remus and James, while Peter briefly scrambled to get the chair beside James. Lily, without meaning to, took it right before he did, and Peter ended up behind the dark-haired seeker, next to a Slytherin boy twice his size.

"Today," Professor Fervioli said, closing the classroom door, "We will be studying the Basenji, a small smooth-haired breed of African origin. Though it is considered a domesticated dog by muggles and wizards alike, they have been made quite a favorite for familiars." She revealed the animals in the cage on her desk. There were several small dogs silently pacing the cage, their tightly curled tails wagging at the sight of people. The professor turned to the class. "In groups of two or three, you will study and examine a Basenji for the class and write up a report on their characteristics. To start off, can anyone tell me a particular uniqueness of the breed that is both a benefit and a downfall?"

Peter raised his hand quickly, knocking an inkbottle off the desk. James caught it before it smashed, though he nearly fell out of his seat. Professor Fervioli nodded at Peter. "They are unable to bark." He said.

"Correct; ten points to Gryffindor." She smiled kindly at Peter, who beamed with pride. She looked at the class. "Well? Aren't you going to write it down?"

As Remus was scribbling on a fresh sheet of parchment, Sirius escaped to the front of the room to get one of the furry canines. He returned, the Basenji licking and sniffing his chin.

"Benefit: affectionate and cute." Sirius said, growling softly at the pup. The canine wagged his tail at Sirius, who smiled and patted him on the head.

"Affectionate…and cute…" Remus repeated, writing it down. James, Lily and Peter were battling over their own lovely fuzzball. So it went on for the hour, with Arthur Weasley joining them. The dog, truly unable to bark, was able to squeak and make snuffing noises.

"Disadvantage," Arthur said, his brilliant red hair drifting across his eyes, "being that if you were to be attacked or robbed, they wouldn't be able to warn you by barking."

"…By barking…" Remus muttered. The bell clanged, signaling the end of the class.

Arthur took the sheet from Remus and went up to hand it in. Remus made to take the Basenji, but as soon as he came within a foot of the animal, it bared its teeth at him, curling up into Sirius' arm and silently snarling in Remus direction. The russet-haired boy's eyes darkened, and he withdrew quickly, busying himself with his books. Sirius rushed the Basenji away, and returned to exit the class with Remus.

"You okay?" He asked, concern visible across his gaze. Remus shrugged distractedly, rubbing the back of his neck.

"They say," Remus whispered, "That you shouldn't trust people that dogs don't trust."

Sirius shook his head as they made their way up the stairs, skipping the fourth and ninth steps. "Dogs are quick to judge. That pup is a suspicious creature. You should have heard what he thought of Arthur."

"But still," Remus said sullenly. "His hackles weren't up around him."

"I'm a dog," Sirius said with a smile, "And are my hackles up?"

"You're human." Remus muttered.

"And so are you." Sirius reminded him gently. "Don't let the silly mutt get you all in a ruffle."

"I'm not in a ruffle."

Sirius toyed briefly with a lock of Remus' hair. Remus sighed and relaxed, turning into the touch without thought. Sirius smiled and took a step closer to Remus. They hesitated, pausing in the drifting shadow of a statue of Sir Simon of Saren, and stopped next to the wide window framed with copper wire. They shared a silent moment, hovering on the edge of something more intimate, but the muffled sound of footsteps broke through them; picked up by their similar sensitive hearing.

Lucius Malfoy smiled silkily as they came out of the shadow of the statue. The three of them stood within safe and respectable distance of each other, wordless. Sirius' eyes focused fiercely on Lucius, and waited for the blond to make the first move. The Slytherin tilted his head slightly, and his posture shifted with his stance.

"I heard a rumor," Lucius said slowly, examining the detail on one of his rings. He wiggled his fingers around under his sight, polishing the already sparkling jewels on the front of his robe. "I was wondering if you could confirm it for me."

Sirius's natural defenses doubled immediately and the lad crossed his arms. "Gossiping, Malfoy?" Sirius said with mock surprise, "Shame on you!" Remus turned to face Lucius completely, mild curiosity on his face.

Having their full attention, Lucius continued. "It came to my attention that the reason that kindly Remus Lupin and the dear Ursula Rayne broke up might be the fact that there was another person in the equation."

Remus answered before Sirius could open his mouth, "We didn't have a relationship, if it's any of your business, Lucius."

One slender eyebrow raised slightly, "Oh?"

"A misunderstanding," Remus clarified.

"I see," Lucius stated clearly. "And by 'we', you mean-?"

"Myself and Ursula," Remus replied, gaze steady.

"Ah," Lucius said. His eyes flickered to Sirius and back to Remus, piercing in their color and pristine clarity. Smiling mysteriously, Lucius nodded slowly. "Then I thank you for clearing this up for me." Lucius inclined his head and then stalked away, long hair swaying with his stride.

The faint sound of his shoes faded and Sirius nudged Remus. The boy started, blinking out of a daze.

"You okay?" Sirius asked for a second time that afternoon

Remus smiled reassuringly, looking up at Sirius. Though the dark-haired boy's eyes were gray as well, they didn't have the sharp severity of Lucius'. There was no malice there – no threat. Where Lucius' eyes were poison like silver, Sirius' were calming – like skies before thunderstorms. Remus watched Sirius for a moment, wanting to say something, but not sure what.

"We should get to Muggle Studies," Remus decided.

-et puis-

For Remus' birthday the marauders managed to arrange a large party in an empty classroom, and they had a great time until Professor Halazar stumbled across them. That lead to a frantic escape from the classroom that didn't quite work, and everyone that was found received detention. The marauders, Lily and Andromeda escaped out the back entrance, and didn't get caught.

Sirius pulled at Remus, a secret smile on his face. He grabbed him by the wrist and led him through the halls, spiraling through the dizzy maze of the Hogwarts corridors.

"Where are we going?" Remus asked, slightly out of breath. "The party…"

Sirius shook his head. "We'll get caught if we make for the tower. McGonagall will probably know by now."

"But where-?"

They went down the charms corridor and pushed through the wall between the paintings of Jervis of Jagged Rocks, and Helina of Halo's Cove. Popping into a broom cupboard, Sirius peered out of the door. "You'll see, dear Remus…."

"Dear Remus?" The boy in reference murmured amusedly, "You're starting to sound like Lucius."

Sirius led them out of the broom cupboard and they sneaked down the hall. "Well, we did have a civil conversation the other day. It was…odd."

"What about?" They darted out a side entrance of the school and started towards the Forbidden Forest.

Sirius became a dark shape in the night, wisps of hair flickering in and out of being like wraith hands. "Food.'

"Food?"

"We had same detentions. I was hungry. I whined. We talked about food."

"That's…strange."

"Like I said – odd."

They wound through the tall trees of the forest, Remus trailing after the tall dark blot that was holding his hand. He was half-blind, for there was lack of light and lack of moon. He didn't know the paths through the forest well, and only recognized things in the blurry memories of the wolf. He managed to keep his footing as he was led through the dark, due to natural reflexes and wolfish grace. There was also the many nights of maraudering that gave him an edge, and he knew instinctively how to feel his way around and over things.

After a while, the trees started to part, and the two boys were in a modest-sized clearing. Remus felt a pang of acknowledgement as he started up at the winding branches of the Moon's tree. A shimmer distracted him, catching his eye, and Sirius led him to where a large object was half-covered by a dark tarp. Sirius yanked the tarp down and revealed the shiny newness of his motorbike.

"I told you," he whispered, "you'd be the first to ride with me."

"That was fast," Remus said with amazement. He lightly touched the spray painting down the body of the bike, fingers running over the silver three-clawed swipes. The wiry, jagged body of metal that he had bought in the shop for Sirius had been transformed into a sleek machine. For a strange moment, Remus was oddly pleased, and a small noise escaped his throat to express this.

Sirius seemed to understand this sound like it was a language they both shared. He took a seat on the bike and looked up at Remus, holding one hand out. He smiled sweetly, and Remus climbed on behind him, holding tightly to Sirius's torso. With a chuckle, Sirius loosened Remus' hold a little, and then revved up the engine.

It purred. Or, rather, it purred as much as a motorbike could. With the deep rumbling beneath them, Sirius pressed a button on the dash, there was a slight shimmer around them, and they were off into the night.

Remus was pleasantly winded, blood roaring in his ears like the wolf during the moon. Sirius hair whipped around him, smelling of mint and smoke, and played tricks with Remus' eyes as he watched the trees blur by.

"You ready?" Sirius yelled loudly, over the sound of the bike.

"For what?" Remus shouted back.

Sirius shifted slightly to play with a dial on the bike. "I'll pretend that whatever you just said included 'yes'!"

Remus yelped and held onto Sirius tighter as they lifted off from the ground and shot into the sky.

"But how--?" Remus cried over the noise. "It's been little over a month!"

"Took it apart," Sirius exclaimed, "Laid it out and spelled everything at once. Then I sealed the magic in and put it back together!" They dipped sharply, dancing with Whomping Willow for a moment. "The casing and paint took the longest!

Sirius laughed and they flew on.

Remus tilted his head to the sky, pondering the absence of his lunar master. Perhaps it was the adrenaline rush or the way that he was pressed closely to Sirius, or how he could hear their heartbeats banging loudly over the engine, but Remus had never felt more alive. He had never felt more free, or more in tune with the whispers in the back of his mind. Impulses flashed through his nerves and, being in the air, could only satisfy a few of them.

Carefully, Remus pulled Sirius' mass of dark hair to one side. He bared the neck, running fleeting fingertips down its gentle slope. Sirius almost turned to look at him, but Remus' other hand came up to firmly force Sirius' jaw so that he was starting ahead.

"Watch your flying," Remus said, tip of his tongue flickering out to lick Sirius' earlobe.

The dark boy gasped in surprise. The bike jerked forward with a sudden burst of speed and then slowed again when Sirius loosened his grip on the handles. "Remus—"

"It's my birthday," he replied, "Now, behave."

Slowly opening his mouth, Remus stretched his jaw, half believing that his canines were longer and more prominent than usual. His tongue curled out and then back in again, testing the air swirling around them. He could taste water and sweat, metallic because of the bike. He could taste the dry leather of Sirius' coat, and the musky scent of his cologne. Carefully leaning further into Sirius, Remus pressed his tongue against the bared neck, and lapped up the salty heat he found there.

They were suddenly in a dive for the ground as Sirius flinched. A suppressed grunt drifted past Remus' ears and into the wind; another word in their shared dialect. This time the sometimes-wolf understood the meaning clearly.

Dear sweet Merlin.

There was a slight bump as they contacted ground, and they quickly rolled to a stop a few feet away from the Moon's Tree. The engine died and they sat there for a moment. Remus played with Sirius' hair, tracing the strands into where they lay on Sirius's back. With a tilt of his head, Remus placed a kiss on either side of Sirius' shoulders, got off the bike, and gazed down fondly at him.

"This was fun," he said, sated for some reason. "Thank you." He placed a quick kiss on the folded hands that were crossed in front of Sirius' eyes, and paused to tongue the skin around one of his rings. Pulling away, he closed his eyes and let his instincts guide him back to Hogwarts.

"Good night."

Sirius let out a single shuddering breath and weakly pulled the keys from the bike. "Good night…"

-et puis-

Remus woke up the next morning feeling like his regular self. However, that also included a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach, unsteady hands and echoes of wolf laughter in his mind. He barely made it through the day, startled by violent shades of red and gold, avoiding his commons room, and generally not looking at anything during potions.

Silent, Remus stared at the dinner plates that surrounded him. There were the usual platters of pudding and potatoes and vegetables, but the long slabs of meats leered at him. They sat on their dishes: limp, pale, warm and tinged red. Remus watched, fixated, as a girl at the next table cut into a piece of steak. The knife sliced cleanly through, ripping tender threads of cooked meat and ligament, and yielding a tiny stream of red juice. It slid across the plate in avid slowness, pooling slightly.

"Moony?" James was asking.

"Oh God," Remus blurted. "I think I'm going to be sick." Quickly excusing himself, he left the hall and ran through the castle doors to the outside. Even as his feet touched the green grasses, he was retching dryly, mind swimming with thoughts of meat on plates. _"Aie..." _1

A hand came to rest on the small of his back; the other gripping his shoulder as his stomach heaved on empty. He squeezed his eyes shut, willing himself not to cry, leaning over his bent knees. He was breathing hard, after a few minutes of this, and he slowly straightened.

"Okay, Remus?" Sirius was supporting him, smoky gray eyes focused completely on him. Remus leaned heavily into the dark featured lad, sinking into his embrace and not caring if he…well, not caring about certain things anymore. It didn't matter. "Remus?" Sirius murmured into his ear. "Moony?"

"It's changing, Sirius." Remus panted into the smooth velvet of Sirius' shirt. It seemed that he was ending up wrapped around Sirius more and more often, lately…

"It's okay, Moony. You can get through this. I'm here…"

"Please, just don't—" Remus stopped.

Sirius looked down at him. "Don't what?"

"Um. Don't…mention meat…"

Sirius chuckled, the sound rumbling deep in his chest. Remus listened to it, momentarily soothed by it. He then heard the distant flap of wings, and he looked up to see a light brown owl flapping its way toward them. It screeched loudly, dropping packages into Sirius' hands. With another circle above the two boys' heads, it gave another screech and flew in the direction of the Hogwarts Owlery. Sirius examined the addresses on the parcel and letter.

"It's for you." He said, handing the letter to Remus.

Remus tore open the envelope with a pounding heart, hardly remembering that Sirius was watching.

**'Dear Rem, **

I don't know what to say to you, brother. It's the nature of the wolf, Remus. You know that you are no more yourself during the moon, than you are the wolf during the other days of the month. It is a separate entity than you; it has a different mind, a different agenda than you do. If it were not, you'd remember and experience what you do as you do it, not as dreams and nightmares. The wolf dreams too, you told me that. It is not your joy that you feel at those specters, brother mine. It is the joy and glee of the wolf, the animal.

**Unless you start to act as the wolf, in the days that don't precede and follow the full moon, I wouldn't worry about being a danger to the world. You have never been a threat to someone, though you have the ability to defend and ward off others. This may just be the wolf maturing; just you and I are, as we grow older. If the wolf bleeds into your personality (as you put it) any further, you should talk to Dumbledore about it. I know that you love Hogwarts and you love your friends, but if you endanger them, it will be a worthless emotion. You know that. I won't tell Mother and Father, out of love for you, but if it continues on like this, then there will be no choice.**

**On a happier note, happy birthday, brother! I wish I could be there to celebrate with you or you here to celebrate with me, but I am afraid that it isn't possible, eh? I'm sure that you will find the present enclosed just what you need to relax. Excuse me if I'm being impertinent, but I suggest you share it with Sirius. Either way, do enjoy it. Aquila sends her hellos. **

**Love, Romulus'**

Remus stuffed the letter and envelope into his robe pocket, feeling steadier than he had a moment before. Sirius rested an arm around his shoulders as he handed him a small package. Ignoring the pleasant fluttering in his chest, Remus tore open the plain brown wrapping, and pulled out a leather box. Popping open the snap, he peered in. Sirius made a noise that suspiciously sounded like a giggle. He dipped long fingers into the box and drew out one of the thin bottles. The elegant lettering on the labels was in French. Sirius pulled the top off and sniffed it.

"It smells like jasmine." Sirius said.

Remus snatched it back from Sirius, closing it and placing it back in the box. He tucked it under one arm, two faint spots of pink highlighting his cheeks. "That's my brother for you…."

"Are they bath oils?"

"Well, yes, but…"

Sirius stopped, one eyebrow raised. "I was only asking." He leaned in to peer at Remus. "I'm not going to lift them in the middle of the night, you know." Sirius said, his breath ghosting warmly across Remus' cheek. The shorter Gryffindor's blush darkened, and he suddenly poked Sirius in the stomach.

"Ow!"

"You better not lift them!" Remus said, pretending that the stone steps of the school were very interesting. "I plan to use them."

"Do you?" Sirius asked with a straight face. "If I come with, will you share?"

A muscle in Remus' cheek twitched, and he blinked rather than stutter something. "I don't know, Padfoot…they're, um…French…?"

"And things of a French nature should be shared." Sirius paused. "_Reveur._"

Remus looked sharply at him. Reveur was the French word for 'moony.' "Where did you-?"

Sirius shrugged. "Andromeda's teaching me some phrases and stuff." He stopped thoughtfully. "_Heureux anniversaire, mon chere_." 2 He recited carefully.

Remus stared up at him, swallowing hard. "_Je vouloir tu._"3 He said quickly.

Sirius gave him a confused look. "What?"

Half relieved and half wondering what had possessed him, Remus waved a hand at Sirius. "Nothing. It's nothing." Before the other could say anything, Remus retreated into the school.

* * *

1 Ow.

2 Happy birthday, my dear.

3 I want you.

By the way, the password that Peter had? Tis Latin. (nods, pleased) I got myself an English-Latin Dictionary. Huzzah!


	10. Conversations

Chapter Nine: Conversations

Don't own anything. 'Cept Ursula and Romulus and Aquilla and Remus' parents. Today's tidbit of info includes the fact that the actor that plays Lucius Malfoy (Jason Issacs) is in Black Hawk Down as a Sergeant (I think it was Steele). He was really great, and had a southern accent and absolutely no hair. grin None at all. Wasn't even a buzz cut. big grin Cheers!

Short chapter, lots of stuff that happens. Cheers!

* * *

"VICTORY TO GRYFFINDOR, 240 TO 90! GOLDEN SNITCH CAUGHT BY GRYFFINDOR SEEKER, JAMES POTTER!"

A loud roar went through the stadium as the Gryffindor Quiddtich team did a final loop of the pitch, arms raised high in the air. They did a couple of formations and a showy team move before landing on the ground and heading off to change. Slytherin team dove for the grass, scowling darkly, and stormed off to shower.

Remus was standing outside the locker room, waiting for Sirius and James when someone came up behind him. Slender arms slid around him, snaking up his torso and dancing lightly on his chest. Nerves fizzing instantly, Remus tried to jerk away. The arms tightened and a soft pressure was applied between the Gryffindor's shoulder blades – a forehead resting there.

"Hello, love…" A deceptively sweet voice purred.

Remus broke free and spun, coming about to face the girl. "Bellatrix…what are you doing?"

The dark-featured girl shrugged and smiled at him coyly. "Has anyone told you that you have a wonderful body?" She seemed to sway in place, spine rippling as if she were more snake than human. She rolled her shoulders slowly, arms rising enticingly to weave above her head. "All slender and firm…"

"You have a boyfriend," Remus said sternly. He took a step back and bumped into the wall that he had been leaning on moments before. "And I'm not interested."

"Oh, but you're so very interesting," Bellatrix seemed to prowl towards him, her fingers fluttering like she was parting beads in a curtain. "All quiet and darling, books and learning," she made a noise under her breath, resting her arms on either side of Remus' head, bracing herself on the wall. "Passion and dark in your veins…"

"You're mad," Remus murmured, his eyes widening as he saw something flicker in her gaze.

The whispered reply, "So are you…"

Remus flinched as the Slytherin locker room door slammed open. Bellatrix pressed up against him suddenly, sighing as if in pleasure.

"What the fuck?"

The Gryffindor door flew open and there was a round of startled swearing. Remus cursed lowly, pushing Bellatrix away. She only returned and wound herself even tighter around him.

'Oh god," Remus said in despair.

Sirius shoved Bellatrix away from Remus, and into Lestrange's arms. "Back the fuck off," He said harshly. His hair was wet from a quick shower.

She sneered at him, turning around to embrace her boyfriend. "I really don't like you, Sirius," Bellatrix said, voice soft with hate and anger.

"Well, that's too bad."

Both the Slytherin and Gryffindor Quiddtich teams looked at each other with anger and concealed confusion. Bellatrix whispered into Lestrange's ear, and he nodded. With a glare of superiority, he swept out of the crowded hallway with the rest of his team behind him. After a heartbeat and a half, the Gryffindor team followed.

"You all right there, Remus?"

Not knowing who had asked or what was said, Remus nodded, trying to avoid everyone's inquiring gazes. He glanced at Sirius once, bit his lip, and then looked back down at the dirt path. The team, being victorious and all, quickly forgot about the incident outside of the locker room, and started joking and laughing. By the time they were on the cobblestones leading into the school, they were loud, proud, and singing.

Sirius swore suddenly and stopped. "I forgot my boots."

James waved a hand at him. "Get them later."

Sirius shook his head and pushed James into the castle, "I'll be quick – save me a butterbeer, will you?"

"Hurry, yeah?"

The beater nodded and started back to the pitch. A hand caught his sleeve, and he looked back at Remus. The shorter was flushed, and still wouldn't look him in the eyes.

"She…I…" Remus stumbled over his words for a rare moment. "It didn't—"

Sirius stopped his embarrassed ramble with a light touch under his friend's chin. "I know," he said softly. "Warned you, though."

"I know." Remus still looked ashamed.

With a small smile, Sirius leaned over and kissed Remus on the forehead. Resting both hands on either side of his head, Sirius placed two more fleeting kisses; one on Remus' nose and the other gently on his lips. The dark-haired boy smiled again, ruffled the russet hair and then started back to the locker rooms.

Remus, trying not to feel too pleased, went inside the castle.

Sirius sprinted back to the locker room, bursting through the door and vaulting benches. He flung open the locker labeled with a dark paw print and rummaged about inside. He yanked out his boots, paused to loop them together, slung them over one shoulder and slammed the locker door. Darting through the room, leaping over the same benches, and nearly bashing his head on the wall, Sirius burst out of the room and staggered for a moment. He came to a dead stop, panting heavily.

"Bugger," he gasped.

Lucius looked at him coolly; green chasers robe folded neatly over one arm. He held a mesh bag containing the rest of his uniform in the other hand, but still managed to keep his arms crossed casually. His hair was ruffled from the wind of flying, windswept and half tied back. He was as tall as Sirius, as lean as Sirius, and a shade paler than Sirius, though that could be because his hair caused him to look that way. He wore loose pants and a fitted tee, with his usual array of silver jewelry shining with bright jewels.

Sirius stared at him quizzically for a moment. His hair was pulled back from his face, showing piercing in ears that matched the ones in Lucius'. He too wore loose pants, but they were smeared with oil and grease from working on his motorbike. His shirt fit close, but it was made mostly of mesh webbing - hardly considered a shirt at all.

They stood a few paces apart, silent. They were purebloods, both from rich families. Their background was similar, their family was similar, but where Lucius reveled in the power and riches, Sirius rebelled and sought freedom.

"Severus is trying to understand you," Lucius said finally.

Sirius cocked his head and examined Lucius again carefully. "Lots of people do that."

The blond shook his head, "No…he's trying to figure out what you and your friends are up to. Not your pranks. Not your schoolwork… Your secrets." Lucius held his breath for a moment and then let it out slowly. "I was almost tempted to let him to find your quiet little secret, but I had a feeling that it was a very dangerous one." He made a face, "I want to know it as much as he does, but I need him."

Sirius looked at him, aghast. "Why are you telling me this? I thought that he was your friend?"

Lucius, for the first time that Sirius could ever remember, looked away while talking to him. "He is," the Slytherin said, with rare softness in his voice, "and I don't want him to get hurt. Or killed." At the last comment, he glanced slyly at Sirius.

"Fuck." Sirius stepped past him, mind reeling. Lucius, despite his words and the confession that he didn't know the secret, definitely knew. Sirius shook his head and wondered why he wasn't more surprised. "You can't—if you say a—"

Lucius was suddenly at Sirius' back, talking over one shoulder. "I wouldn't. I don't give information to those who don't deserve it." He smiled as Sirius turned to face him again.

The Gryffindor peered at him warily, "What did I do to deserve this sharing of secrets?"

Lucius smiled and drew an invisible line down Sirius's bicep; Quidditch robes tucked under one arm. "Sometimes deserving isn't necessarily doing."

Sirius blinked. "Y..es…" He took two large, obvious steps back and crossed his arms firmly. "Flattered, but no."

Flirtatious manner abandoned like a false pretence, Lucius grinned. "Of course not. Interested in someone else?"

Sirius glowered at him.

The other grinned even wider. "And that is what will keep me silent about your secrets. Trade for trade."

The marauder stared at him. "I don't understand you."

"Good." He turned to leave, hair swishing in superiority.

Sirius caught his arm, "Oh, hey - do you know what's going on with Bellatrix?"

"Bellatrix? She's _your_ cousin, isn't she?"

"Come on, Malfoy. I'll tell you the password to the South Tower backroom."

Lucius thought about it for a moment, all business once again. "Fine – she's just playing around. She has her eye on Lestrange, and she's only using Lupin – ineffectively, I might add – to make him jealous." He fiddled with the corner of the robe he was holding, smoothing out the edge. "Your precious friend is safe from our dear Bella."

"Good."

"Concerned for him, are you?"

"What's it to you?"

"Just an interesting bit of information for me, that's all. Call me…" He paused to preen, "Curious…"

"Curiosity kills the cat, Lucius."

"Indeed," the Slytherin seemed highly amused at this, "I, however, am a snake."

Sirius glowered at him, ignoring the polished smirk. "Well, then I'll leave you to whatever it is you do." He turned to walk away.

"Black. The password."

"Junith Gregora." Sirius pushed the door open and slid outside. "Just tap on the knot in the door with your wand while you say it."

The door swung shut with a clattered, banging familiarly against the doorframe. Lucius leaned against the wall, content.

-et puis-

Knowing full well that there was no butterbeer left for him at the celebration of victory, Sirius made a quick jaunt to Hogsmeade to pick up a couple of bottles for he and his dorm mates. As he was taking the main stairs two-by-two, trying to avoid prefects and other such rule-keeping figures, a voice snagged his ear.

"I'm onto you." Snape stepped out of the shadows of a statue, a foul grin on his face.

"Keep thinking that, Snivillus." Tried to go around him, but the Slytherin blocked his way.

"I've been watching your pathetic little run-down group. You think you're all so smart and witty with your little _pranks_ and your silly oaths of brotherhood. It's stupid. You don't even like pathetic Pettigrew, and your precious leader Potter is a half-blind ego maniac with a broom permanently up his ass."

"Keep talking like that," Sirius growled, "And we'll see who will permanently have a broom up their ass."

"Go on," Snape urged, with a bravo most uncommon in the Slytherin House, "I _know_ that if you start another fight you'll get expelled. Just _give _me a reason to report you!"

"Shove off, Snape." Sirius snarled, knowing full well that the slimy git was telling the truth. "Leave us alone, will you?"

Snape laughed, which was another thing that Sirius had never seen from him. "Leave you alone? You're one to talk! What do you think you are – better than the rest of us?

"No," Sirius said dangerously, "We don't."

"You could have fooled the entire dammed student body! That Lupin boy – all those sick days he takes… What kind of information do you hold on the teachers?" Snape's dark eyes glittered with malice, as he delighted in how Sirius was reacting to the entire conversation. "Or is it that he's just that much of a pathetic wreck that he needs to—"

"YOU DON'T KNOW THE FIRST THING ABOUT REMUS LUPIN," Sirius roared, finally snapping, "SO KEEP YOUR BLOODY MOUTH SHUT!"

"What's this? Defending the little weakling? Can't defend himself, can he? Is that why you keep a close watch on him, Black? Is that why you sneak off with him? Under an invisibility cloak? At the _full moon?"_ Snape grinned again, and Sirius knew in an instant that he knew. He knew about Remus. "Always getting sick, he is, always looking pale – ugly and peakish—"

"Do not call him ugly, you bitter, greasy wanker. He is better looking than you could ever imagine yourself to be."

Snape snorted, raising a thin, skeptical eyebrow. "Why do you think you can wander the school after hours, hmm?"

"There's nothing going on."

"I doubt that. I know you know the passages around here. Sneaking out? Plotting? Planning?"

"None of your business."

"So there is something? I knew it. And when I look inside the Shrieking Shack, I'll have all the proof I need. I'll finally get you expelled and out of this school…"

Sirius spun to face Snape, trying one last meager attempt to shake off the Slytherin. "You think so, do you? I'm telling you that there's nothing going on and that there's nothing there."

"Oh? Then you won't mind if I go there, do you? Afraid that I'll catch you? " Eyes were lifted in a silent challenge.

Sirius stilled as he forced himself not to drop the Butterbeer bottles and smash Snape in the face – several times. "You know what, Snivillus," Sirius hissed uncharacteristically, "I hope that you do. Because then you'll get what you deserve and I'm fairly convinced that you'll leave us alone." With that final goading warning, Sirius turned and vanished into the darkness of the hall.

-et puis-

Breathing a sigh of welcomed relief, Sirius jogged through the open door of the fifth year boys. Leaning over his bed, the winded marauder flung open his arms and dumped the bottles onto the crimson bedspread. The Quiddtich victory party had been put to rest earlier than expected, due largely to McGonagall and her love of sleeping in the quiet.

"Still alive!" Sirius crowed.

James, who was lounging lazily on his back, reached upside-down across the gap between their beds and groped blindly for a bottle. "What took so long? You missed it all."

"Ran into Peeves," Sirius said with a wince, tugging at the remnants of a webbing wonder that the ghost had thrown at him. He ignored the earlier events of his evening and popped open a bottle of butterbeer, long gone warm. "Maybe we should add ghosts to the map?"

* * *

-sobs- Sirius, no!

Sirius: -sighs- I hafta. JK made it that way.

Me: You'd never betray Remus!

Sirius: -unhappily- Apparently I did.

Me: -sobs-

Sirius: Well, just pretend I didn't – you ignored the fact that James started the marauder's map.

Me: That's different… -sobs-

Sirius: Geez, you're freaking me out, here…

Me: -sobs-


	11. State of Mind

Chapter Ten: State of Mind

The inspiration, which I don't think that I have mentioned before, for the way that the wolf stuff is written, comes from the way that LadyBush writes her wofly scenes in her fantastic, kick-ass fic, **_Glam Rock_**, which, if you haven't read, you should do so ASAP. Like…after you finish reading this. It was my first RxS fic that I ever read, and I think that you can see some of the influences that she has on this story. It's absolutely brilliant and I just can't say enough about it. Please, take the time to check it out.

This is for Jen, who left such a full and beautiful and jolting review that I decided to post this. I was waiting until I finished the last chapter to post the last three, but I'll give you this one. It's another cliffhanger, I apologize, but it's quite lengthy. Thank you, darling Jen, for your lovely words – it is a writer's dream to move someone so emotionally – and I give you mine. And, since I think you'd like to know, I am planning about four more stories after this that belongs together. I've been writing a lot of pieces of fics offline that are waiting to be pushed together.

This is pretty much my favorite chapter in the fic, so I hope you enjoy it. Cheers!

* * *

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* * *

Remus sat on the edge of the bed, mentally trying to calm the tumbling in his stomach. He had nothing but boxers on, and his thin frame was covered in sheen of sweat. _Only one more day…_ Remus thought in a daze, tightly gripping the blazing sun medallion that Sirius had gotten him. _Then the full moon will set and the wolf will wane again…_ He shivered in the warmth of the room, willing himself into a state of normality before the rest of the marauders awoke. It was the same routine that he had every month, and it hadn't failed it him yet. His friends may support him all the way, but he wasn't about to let them see him weak when they didn't need to.

The approaching sunlight filtered through the curtains, staining the air in the dorm red. This encouraged his eyes to wander and the first thing settled on was Peter. Little Peter Pettigrew. A slight boy, Peter was always the sidekick, the one that was shunted out of the way when big things happened. He idolized James. Remus' eyes narrowed. James was in the bed across from him, mumbling nonsense and whispering in his sleep. That boy was a talented athlete, a brilliant and loyal friend, and someone who would go one hundred and eighty percent for you just because you asked. A precious boy, he was.

The light of near dawn shone in through the window, lighting a figure sprawled in the bed beside Remus'. Sirius slept on his stomach, his curtain of hair pooling beside him on the bed. It had been a harmless dare, in second year, to see how long Sirius could go without cutting his hair. Sirius had been a bit miffed about it at first, but eventually grew to like it. Now it was practically sacrilege to even come near Sirius with scissors. James had compared his hair care obsession to Lucius', but Sirius had shrugged it off, flipped his hair and stalked away.

Remus had only started his bout of rocking back and forth, when the owls started hooting. They were waking up; rustling their feathers and demanding to be let out. There was a sound like the trickling of water, and the magical goblets on the nightstands (spelled to fill with water for owner) sparkled as they filled with a cool liquid. The night fireplace blew out, house elves banking it, and the sun poured through the slit between the curtains.

"No…" Remus muttered, alarmed. "This is all wrong…" His schedule was mixed up…these things weren't supposed to start for another half hour… Where had his half hour gone?

Appalled, the young werewolf watched James wake up. The seeker grabbed at the night table, knocking over the goblet, and snatched up his glasses. Once the metal frames were fixed upon his nose, he stumbled out of bed, grabbed his towel from where it hung on the door of his wardrobe, and made for the door. He mumbled a sort of 'g'mornin'' at Remus and slammed the door behind him.

"Ohno-ohno-ohno…" Remus babbled quietly. He wasn't finished his ritual of calmness yet… He stopped rocking and started to trace his scars quickly, memories of how he got them hitting him like individual flashes. "Not done…not done…"

Peter got out of bed next, grabbing his clothing and dressing behind his curtains. He combed his hair neatly, made his bed, and then left for breakfast. James returned, dripping on the floor as he looked for his Quidditch practice clothes. Picking up his Refillable-Filling Goblet, he chucked it at Sirius, who only grunted and fell off his bed.

"Get up," James yawned.

"Mgnfhgh," Sirius said in reply.

James threw Sirius' Refillable-Filling Goblet at its owner. There was a loud clang and a muffled swear. "Quidditch final game, mate."

"Bloody morfngignsuhhghh…"

"C'mon…we can still catch an early prank if you hurry up."

Sirius grumbled, but sat up. He snatched up his towel from off the floor and left for the showers. James poked Remus' curtains, peering through the obscuring silk. "Moony? You up?"

"Yes." Remus ran his tongue over his teeth once. Twice. Three times. Once in the opposite direction. Twice. Three times. Then he checked with one finger.

"Meet you at breakfast?"

"Yes." Ears were normal. Fingers were normal. So were his knees, toes, elbows, nails, ankles—

"Peter gone already?"

"Yes." His name was Remus. Remus J. Lupin. He was a boy. A human boy. A crazy, but not furry, boy. He had a twin brother. Romulus. Romulus J. Lupin. He was a boy. A human boy. A twin, but not furry, boy. "Yes," Remus repeated, mostly for himself.

"See you, then." The door swung shut, but not closed. Remus couldn't be bothered to get up and fix it.

"I like tea," Remus said quickly, "And chocolate and caffeine and books and sunlight and mint and swimming and the smell of leather and the smell of smoke. I like muggle television, muggle game consoles, London, France, underpants-hahaha-, and I like watching Quidditch and having the occasional fag, and—"

"You smoke?"

_Shit._ Remus poked his head through his curtains. Sirius looked back at him, amused. He was towel-drying his hair, standing only in his black boxers. He still glistened with a sheen of shower water. Remus' eyes traced every inch of Sirius' skin before the boy retreated behind his curtains again. "Occasionally. Go away."

"I have a right to change in my dorm."

Remus shook his head. _Almost done, almost done…_ "I don't like blood," he said quietly. "I don't like the moon, or silver, or howling or scratching or licking or biting or eating things raw—"

"What are you doing?" Sirius invaded his space by leaning in through Remus' curtains.

"I'M NOT DONE - GO AWAY!" He threw a pillow into Sirius' face, rolled off the bed and stalked over to the full-length mirror. Remus braced himself on the frame, pressing his forehead against the cool glass. He stared himself in the eyes without blinking.

"I am not yours, I am not yours, I am not yours…" He could see a defiant glimmer of gold in his gaze. "Fuck off. This body is mine. You can't have it." The glimmer flickered and then brightened. "No. It's sunny. I don't care. Bugger off. Not yours, not yours, not yours, not yours…" The gold flared and Remus slid to the floor, his stomach twisting sharply. "Bloody…no…not…yours…n…yours…yours…yours…"

"Remus!" Sirius hauled him up by the arms, tearing him away from the mirror. "What are you doing?"

Remus let his head fall backwards, finding it suddenly hard to breathe. "Making the wolf go away…" He had finished… "I'm…done…he's sulking now…"

"Sulking?" Sirius repeated. He picked Remus up and deposited him on his bed. Pulling a ribbon out of a bone-shaped box, Sirius tied back Remus' curtains. He opened the windows in the room, letting the owls out at the same time, and murmured a spell to stir the air currents. As an after thought, he pulled on pants and his Quidditch shirt before sitting down next to Remus. "Are you all right?"

"Peaches, love…" Remus said hazily, an unusual silliness leaking out. It was gone in his next shaky breath. "He does this to me 'cause I won't let him out, you know…" His stomach clenched and Remus curled into a ball. "He's such a child…"

Sirius combed Remus' hair with his fingers. "Do you want me to stay with you?" He asked.

"No," Remus said promptly. He stretched languidly, thoughts melting and reforming. "I'll be better later…" A notion to try and see his eyelashes struck him suddenly. "It comes and goes…always does…not unusual…"

Sirius unsurely stood, pausing only to lightly stroke Remus' cheek. Remus turned into the touch, loudly imitating a purring sound. "I'll drop in later," he said.

Remus nodded vaguely, saying, "Yes…I'll drop in later, too…" He promptly fell asleep.

Sirius, with one last worried look, grabbed his shoes, and left the dorm.

* * *

-et puis-

* * *

Ravenclaw had won the cup, but Gryffindor had won the game. The two houses were on good enough terms that, after an initial moment of confusion, they had all collided in victory hugs and cheers. Mixed parties went off to celebrate in various places, each hoping that they would not be found first.

James and Sirius were unlucky enough to get stuck in a group of rowdy seventh years who didn't care if they got caught or not (they were graduating anyway). McGonagall swooped down on their short-lived party and sent everyone back to their house commons.

Remus looked up from his table in the Gryffindor commons room. The two dark-haired marauders stumbled through the porthole excitedly, spotted him, and collapsed on the nearby couch.

"Won?" Remus asked.

"Yes, but not the cup," James replied.

"Pity."

"Not really," Sirius said breathlessly, "We at least _like_ Ravenclaws."

"So?"

"It could have been Slytherin," James responded.

"Gotcha."

There was a silence. Remus flipped a page in his charms text, narrowed his eyes at it, and then turned another page. James, not having seen Remus' earlier display of eccentric-ness, squinted curiously at him. Sirius ignored it, starting to doze on James' shoulder.

James pushed at the tired Sirius. "Oh, go count sheep or something, will you?"

"Yeah," Sirius snorted. "Right."

Remus scribbled on the parchment. "I could go for a sheep, right now." He said absently.

There was a collective stare from the rest of the marauders, as he didn't expand on his comment. "What?" Sirius said.

The russet-haired boy looked up. "What?"

James shifted on the couch. "You said you could go for a…sheep…right now…"

"No I didn't."

"Yes, you did."

"No."

"Yes!"

Remus looked thoughtful, tapping his quill on the side of his face. "That doesn't sound like something I'd say."

"No," Sirius agreed. "It doesn't."

"Hmm." He went back to what he was doing. "You must be hearing things."

James and Sirius shared a glance. "Yeah," James said slowly. "I guess…" Remus nodded in reply, not really listening. Sirius frowned, staring intensely at Remus. The boy didn't notice, but rested his head in his hands momentarily. Sirius shot a worried look at James. The dark-haired boy nodded, and stood up.

"Well, the night is young." James said cheerfully. "Moony, have you seen Lily about?"

Remus rubbed his eyes tiredly, stretching his neck back and forth. "Library. Arithmancy essay."

"Then I bid you good night." James pretended to tip an imaginary hat, bowed, and then left for the aforementioned location.

Sirius sat down behind Remus, on the couch that the latter was leaning against. Brushing away feathery locks, Sirius pressed his fingers lightly to the back of Remus' neck, massaging the sore muscles. Remus blinked, but stilled under his touch. "How are you feeling?"

Remus stifled a sigh as Sirius made small circles with his thumbs. "I'm fine."

"Do you do…whatever you did this morning, every day?"

"The full moon is tonight." Remus said, by way of explanation.

Sirius' hands traveled to Remus' shoulders. He switched the subject, "Are you still thinking about the Easter moon?"

"No."

Sirius frowned, working the muscle on Remus' back. The boy bit back a moan and leaned forward. "What's wrong, then?"

"Moon's…almost full…" Remus forced out. His eyes drifted shut for a moment. "_Bonte _(1), that's nice, Padfoot…"

"Anything else bothering you?"

"N-ah…no..."

Sirius stopped, bending forward to talk into Remus' ear. "Are you sure?"

Remus sighed tiredly into the table. "Yes." He paused. "Don't stop…"

"Tell me."

"Sirius…" Remus exhaled slowly and decided to abandon his charade. "It's ridiculous, really."

Sirius's hands started to move again. "You've been writing to your brother a lot lately."

Remus stiffened. "So?"

The raven-haired boy slid his hands down to Remus' lower back. "I didn't mean anything by it…it's just that you write to him when there's something you won't tell us."

Remus sat up, turning to face Sirius. "Have you been reading my post?"

"No!" Sirius said, lifting his hands in a gesture of truce. "But we know that you don't tell us everything, but…he's your twin… And you've been writing a lot of letters in the last few months."

"I'm making up for the letters that you don't write." Remus said lowly.

Sirius's eyes narrowed, recognizing the discreet reference to his terrible family relations. "That isn't nice."

"That happens sometimes."

"Not with you."

"What's wrong with me being a little mean?" Remus demanded. "Am I the good boy? The perfect prefect? What is it, Sirius?"

Sirius leaned on his knees, keeping a direct gaze with Remus that was only a few inches apart. "You've been acting peculiar…the things you say, some of the things that you do, and we want to try and help you figure it out, but sometimes it's hard to approach you about those things."

"What things, in particular?"

Sirius raised an eyebrow, saying, "That sheep bit? You, this morning in the dormitory? Defence a week ago—"

"I get it." Remus interrupted.

"—Your nightmares…"

"I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about."

"You wake up in the middle of the night, silently screaming sometimes. Shaking, growling." Sirius' gaze flickered, showing a moment of sadness, but then glossed over. "Crying."

"You watch me?" There was a slight tremble of anger in his calm voice.

"I'm worried about you." Sirius said bluntly. "The wolf seems—"

"Oh God…" Remus said abruptly, standing in the empty commons room. "You can notice it?"

Sirius stood as well, alarmed at the rush of emotion that Remus was portraying. The shorter boy hardly ever let anything 'ruffle his feathers,' let alone show what he was feeling, intensely. "Remus, it's not really-"

"_Je ne savais pas que c'eatait si_!"(2) Remus turned away from him, speaking lowly and quickly to himself. At that moment, Remus' pre-moon illusion of calm shattered like candy-glass. The boy rubbed his sun medallion through his shirt, muttering, "_Je pensait que j'etais malade, si seulement j'avais su celui-la pouvoir voir lui…_"(3)

Sirius spun him around by the shoulders. "Talk to me, Remus – you're babbling in French."

"Je detest le lupe de la lune!"(4) Remus yelled. "I _hate_ the wolf!"

Sirius pulled him into his arms, holding the shaking boy as he sobbed dryly into Sirius' robe. "Remus…it's not you…"

"But it is, Sirius…" Remus said. "I've tried to deny it, reason with it, but…it is me…" He stared up at Sirius in despair. "And lately it's been even more so."

Sirius stared at him, horrified. Then he slapped Remus.

"_Que faites-vous_?" Remus blurted.

Sirius growled under his breath. "English, Moony. Remember English?"

The shorter boy fiddled with the clasp on Sirius' robe. "What are you doing…" Remus repeated quietly, looking at Sirius again. "I asked what you are doing." His eyes narrowed. "What _were_ you doing, hitting me?"

Sirius pulled Remus close to him, again, fiercely holding him tightly. "Never say that you are the same as the wolf."

"But—"

"_Never_ say that again." Sirius said sternly. "You're Remus Lupin. You're all those things you said this morning and you're plenty of things more than that." Sirius pulled away slightly so that he could look into Remus' face. "But not the wolf. Never the wolf."

Remus stared at him for a moment. Before he could blink, Sirius found himself tossed on the couch; Remus crawling onto him, a predatory gleam in his eye. "Not the wolf?" He straddled Sirius' lap, as the latter had done once, though under different circumstances, pressing Sirius into the couch. Sirius tried to sit up, but Remus just pushed him. The boy blinked up at his friend, hands trying to find purchase in the cushions of the furniture. Remus was _strong_.

Remus leaned over deeply, drawing his hands up Sirius' chest, nails dragging slightly. "Then why are my senses heightened? Why can I hear your heart pounding, or smell you, or feel how tense you are?" He lifted his face to Sirius' neck, ripping open the robe and shirt collar, and licking Sirius' jugular. "Why do I always want to taste you…?"

Sirius swallowed hard, but mumbled something.

"What was that?"

"Because you want me." He said throatily. "_You_ want me. Just like I want you Remus, _you_."

Remus made a rough noise in the back of his throat, sucking on the skin at the joining of Sirius' neck and shoulder. Sirius smothered a moan, fingers tangling in Remus' hair. He inhaled sharply as Remus pushed his shirt open further, biting his chest hard. There was a stinging sensation, but Remus drew the broken flesh into his mouth, tasting Sirius' blood. Remus sat up, savoring the taste on his tongue.

"Maybe I'm not the only one who wants to taste you…" Remus purred. "Not at all…" Sirius shoved Remus off of him, shakily redoing the buttons on his shirt.

"Dammit, Moony…" He said, "You need help."

Remus crouched on the opposite end of the couch, face in hands again. "Afraid, Padfoot?"

"Yes," Sirius said, inching close to the other boy, "I need to help you find yourself again, Moony. Before you forget."

"I know who I am."

Sirius kissed him lightly on the head. "Not completely…you're blurring who you are."

"Leave me alone."

Sirius regretfully pulled back. "Night falls in an hour. Moon rises in two."

"I know that." Remus sighed, slipping back onto the floor. "I need to finish my charms notes." He picked up his quill again, reserved—as if nothing happened. Sirius looked at him sadly, but went to find Peter and pull James away from Lily.

"We'll meet you out there."

"Mhmm."

* * *

-et puis-

* * *

Three of the four marauders were crouched in the leafy surroundings across from the Whomping Willow. They were quickly splitting a buttertart, taking a quick snack for energy before the moon rose. The boys were standing up to leave, brushing crumbs from their shirts and hands, when rough footsteps in the grass drew their attention.

"Who is it?" Peter asked, peering between two thick branches.

James frowned, squinting into the dark. "It…I think it's Snape." The seeker swore softly. "What the hell is he doing down here at this time of night?"

Sirius contributed his share of cursing. "Snape…I forgot about him…" He pushed out of the brush, strolling over to meet the suspicious Slytherin. "Snape. See? There's nothing here. Now go back to the castle, you stupid idiot."

Severus sneered at him, spotting James and Peter climbing out of the bush. "I doubt that. Why else would you three be out here – without dear Remus?"

Sirius' eyes flashed. "Shove off, Snape. There's _nothing here_."

James tugged on Sirius' robe sleeve. "What's going on, Padfoot?"

"It's nothing."

Severus laughed wickedly. "Didn't even tell Potter?" His eyes shifted to the left slightly. "And the tree's still?"

"Severus!" James cried, as the Slytherin leap forward. "No!" Severus had already slipped under the branches and through the tunnel.

"How did he know about the tunnel?" Peter said impassively.

James spun on Sirius. "What—"

"I told him that if he wanted to find out what was going on, he could-"

"No…you didn't!"

Sirius nodded, leaping into the passage hole. "He was nosing about where he wasn't welcome, I didn't think he'd actually come-!"

"Of course he'd come! He'd leap at the chance to find out what we're doing out here!" James yelled, shoving ahead of him. "Snape could be killed!"

"Snape?" Sirius cried. "What about Remus?"

"Remus," James said grimly, "can take care of himself right now…"

* * *

-et puis-

* * *

Remus cried openly, but soundlessly as he felt the change come upon him. He could feel his bones creaking and cracking, sweat pouring down his face. Eyes blurred in and out of focus, the sharpness of everything becoming overwhelming. His ears felt like someone were pulling on them, moving higher on his head, hearing the pounding of blood in his own veins…the blood of a human. Thoughts were starting to become conflicted…why was the blood of prey in his veins? No. Not prey. Never prey. …Perhaps…prey? His skin was crawling over jutting contours of his body, sprouting fur and hair, and changing color. Had he been wearing clothes, they would have split and torn, but Remus had learned long ago that he saved robes by being naked. Nails lengthened and sharpened, and his legs forcefully pulled as they changed the way he was to stand and run. His face narrowed and twisted, teeth pushing through the gums, nose and mouth forming into a snout. A tail thrust out from the base of his spine and Remus slowly lost contact with his consciousness. Terror faded and apprehension disappeared and suddenly Remus was gone. 

The boy-mind was gone. The wolf lifted his head to the window, howling as the moon shone down on him. Where were they? Where was his pack?

'_Prongs_. '

Where is he?

'_Padfoot_?'

'_Wormtail_?'

Shuffling in the shadow. The door is pushed open.

A boy. A human. Blood.

'_I can smell it…hear it._'

Blood.

'_I want the blood.'_

I have to attack him – tear him, bite him! Lap up his warm blood! Do it… I want to do it… Been trapped too long. Too many temptations… Growing…need blood to grow…

Another boy! Why does he blur like that? Eat! BITE!

'_Moony – STOP!'_

'_Padfoot! Why do you interfere? Let me taste them! I haven't had blood in many moons… Let me go!'_

'_Moony, I can't let you do that!'_

'_GET OFF! LET ME GO!'_

'_Moony, please!'_

_Padfoot! I don't want to hurt you! _

'_I won't!'_

'_LET GO! I don't want to-_

Blood…

'_Man-children are gone. GONE, Padfoot.'_

'_Please Moony, you can't eat humans—'_

'_I WILL have blood!'_

'_What are you-Moony, no!'_

Bite! Snarl and tear!

'You denied me the blood of the man-children!' 

'_M-moony, please…'_

'_I'm so hungry, Padfoot. Why did you do this?'_

'_M…oony…'_

'_Get away from me! Why have you betrayed me? I can't…'_

'_No, you can't go out there…'_

Claws digging into my fur – grabbing me, restricting me…

'_Let me go!'_

'_You can't g-'_

'_GET OFF OF ME!'_

Suddenly Padfoot is very light. I throw him without effort. He lets out a yelp as he hits the wall, and he just lies there on the ground. Just…lies there.

'Oh… I'm sorry…' 

For once, he doesn't answer – only unevenly blinks at me, sliding to the floor.

'_Good-bye for now, Padfoot. Bye-bye.'_

* * *

.

* * *

1 -Goodness  
2- I didn't know it was this bad!  
3 - I thought that I was ill, had I but known that you could see it…

4 - I know that it he says that he hates the wolf, but literally translated, it means he hates the 'wolf of the moon.' It's almost the same thing, but usually translated 'lupe-du-la-lune' means werewolf. 'Je detest le lupe' is 'I hate the wolf,' but… French and English aren't usually the same when translated. I dunno why…it must be because English is so whacked or something…

And we finally 'see' Remus transform. … ; . ;


End file.
